Modern Evangelist

Last Sunday in Cathlamet

2011-08-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

-- Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” No, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. --

Romans 12:9-21

Read it again.

Seriously, read the scripture again...

Now think about it.

Really THINK...

Then, with God's absolute help...

...try to do it.

-Peace

(Really) Late Sunday Blog

2011-08-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

-- Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect. --

Roman 12:2

Ah conformity...

It's hard not to 'conform' to the world, you know?

All you can really do is look at each situation and ask yourself what the right thing to do actually is...

Whether you want to do what's right or not.

Almost every single time conforming is the wrong thing to do.

Think about it.

No, really...

THINK.

-D-

Wow... it's been a while.

2011-08-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

"...But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this is what defiles. For out of the heart come evil intentions, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile.”

- Matthew 15:18-20 -

*from the Revised Common Lectionary reading assigned to Aug. 14

Hi.

I'm back.

Well... I really never left. Just stopped blogging for awhile.

Ha, awhile... like two years.

Anyway...

(if you want to catch up on my last two years, see the note at the end of this blog)

I pulled the above statement out of the scripture for today 'cause it's really a no-brainer...

Or is it?

Yeah, it is... it's just bloody hard to do.

Now most of us haven't committed the 'big gun' crimes named in the scripture; slander, false-witness, theft, fornication, adultery, murder (and maybe we should leave out 'fornication' for now as well hummm...). However, the statement begins by saying, literally, "For out of the heart come evil intentions..."...

And brother, Evil Intentions is what I'm talking about.

How evil?

Well, that is a good question. Also one that folks like to skirt 'cause they want to believe that their own intentions aren't 'evil' at all.

evil
adj: ˈē-vəl, British often & US also ˈē-(ˌ)vil

1 a : morally reprehensible : sinful, wicked b : arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct
2 a archaic : inferior b : causing discomfort or repulsion : offensive c : disagreeable
3 a : causing harm : pernicious b : marked by misfortune : unlucky

Please pay particular attention to definition 1:b...

Bad conduct baby...

We're all guilty.

Like when you talk about a friend behind their back, or when you squeeze in front of the slow old woman in the check-out line, or when you rat out a co-worker to the boss in hopes of gaining a promotion, or when you sneak $20 out of your spouse's wallet, or when you refuse to let the other car in at the merge lane on the freeway, or when you pocket that stick of gum without paying for it, or when you cut someone off when they're telling a story, or when you ignore your friends telephone call because you just don't feel like talking, or when you cheat on that math test, or when you say the one thing you know will hurt the most when the argument's not going your way, or when...

Etc, etc, etc...

We all do it, the list goes on ad infinitum. And what it boils down to is bad conduct.

What Jesus is suggesting is we have to try harder NOT to take the 'low' road. Try harder to listen when people talk, to turn the other cheek in the heat of the moment,
to not take everything so damn personally.

Lighten up would ya?

Over the past couple of years I've been trying hard to take the 'high' road. I catch myself failing again and again, but I'm learning and I'm getting better. But it's work.

Hard, deliberate work.

Take the time to really look at yourself, your actions in everyday life, the little things. Then admit where you're, well, wrong. Wrong acting, wrong speaking, wrong thinking...

And then, with God's help, try to make a change.

You'll be suprised.

I was...

and still am.

Peace.

*my personal story can be found at 'Cerebration' on blogspot.com*

Looking Forward To Lent

2009-02-23T17:11:00.000-08:00

--O God, who before the passion of your only-begotten Son revealed his glory upon the holy mountain: Grant to us that we, beholding by faith the light of his countenance, may be strengthened to bear our cross, and be changed into his likeness from glory to glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.--

Collect, BCP, Last Sunday of Epiphany.

Am looking forward to Lent this year.

My prayer life is a joke right now, my practice little better.

I have allowed the world into my heart and it has taken up residence like a cancer, distracting me from what is actually important: my relationship with Christ.

And if my relationship with Him is out of whack, how can I possibly deal with the world and all it's necessities...

Necessities like moving to a small, rural community in Southwestern Washington (my wife's hometown actually) where the folks are less than liberal, trying to find work in an area that has the highest unemployment rate in the state once I get there, figuring out how best to live and co-habitate with my parent-in-laws, navigating a bankruptcy, being a good spouse, being a supportive mother, being a responsible daughter-in-law/sister-in-law, taking good care of my pets, packing, working, sleeping, eating...

None of this flows for shit unless I'm right with God...

So I got mad at Him.

Yelled at Him. Hollered indignantly at Him about how I suddenly couldn't seem to see what He wanted of me, where He wanted me to go, what I was supposed to be doing. Cried, ranted and generally threw a hissy-fit...

Course none of this was His fault.

Never is.

The fault lay with me being off my game.

Discerning God's voice is easy when one has a solid prayer life, worship life and practice. He never stops talking, but it is up to us to do the work of listening.

And it is work, make no mistake.

I had just been working hard at all the wrong things in all the wrong ways.

But since God is Good/Love/Grace, He threw me a couple a' bones. Communications so obvious even I couldn't miss 'em, and then tenderly enveloped me as I figured it out...

I was taking Him for granted. I got so caught up in my shit that I forgot to ask Him for help, forgot to make time to talk to Him, forgot that relationships need tending, forgot that friendship works both ways.

But I've remembered now.

Thus, I am looking forward to Lent; as a time of cleansing, re-newal and getting my shit together.

And am looking forward to spending some real quality time with my friend.

-peace

Mindfulness and Setting Good Examples: Epiphany 4

2009-01-30T14:43:00.000-08:00

--Now concerning food sacrificed to idols: we know that "all of us possess knowledge." Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. Anyone who claims to know something does not yet have the necessary knowledge; but anyone who loves God is known by him.

Hence, as to the eating of food offered to idols, we know that "no idol in the world really exists," and that "there is no God but one." Indeed, even though there may be so-called gods in heaven or on earth-- as in fact there are many gods and many lords-- yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist.

It is not everyone, however, who has this knowledge. Since some have become so accustomed to idols until now, they still think of the food they eat as food offered to an idol; and their conscience, being weak, is defiled. "Food will not bring us close to God." We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do. But take care that this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if others see you, who possess knowledge, eating in the temple of an idol, might they not, since their conscience is weak, be encouraged to the point of eating food sacrificed to idols? So by your knowledge those weak believers for whom Christ died are destroyed. But when you thus sin against members of your family, and wound their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food is a cause of their falling, I will never eat meat, so that I may not cause one of them to fall.--

1 Corinthians 8:1-13*

I love this passage.

And I love history, as seen in Scripture.

Why?

I love the latter, mostly for it's unique ability to showcase the amazing continuity of the human experience; continuity that brings me great comfort.

The former?

Because it is a lovely, loving, long-winded way to say, 'It is your responsibility to set a good example in the Lord, and to be mindful of the building up of your brothers and sisters in the Way'

Especially when you know better than they...

--Therefore, if food is a cause of their falling, I will never eat meat, so that I may not cause one of them to fall.--

So...

While I am not planning on going off meat anytime soon, (I tend to eat very little anyway), I have taken a look at my habits and have decided to begin the deliberate process of eliminating some of the worse ones.

Thus, a cessation of cigarette smoking, (tho' I plan to smoke moderately from a good old fashioned tobacco pipe... a 'Juno' movie fetish my wife got started, anyway...) and a slow weaning off of 'you know what', which will be accompanied by a small increase in my head-meds (Hurray...Not!). Also, I plan on trying to cultivate the 'cheap date' alcohol tolerance level, thus/so as to only ever drink two drinks when drinking and to try mostly not drinking at all...

I know, I know, it sounds like a lot, but it's not, not really...

It's a taking off, as opposed to a taking on. And I'm pretty sure I'll feel lighter for having done it...

plus...

I'm tired.

Really, really tired.

And it just suddenly seems easier to simplify everything, up to and including the things I do/put into myself. To have as little to monitor as possible.

To turn as much of my energy/focus towards things that are simple...

Things that are clean.

It is here that Paul's admonishment and reminder feels closest to me.

We must remember that not all are at the same place along the Way. Some of the Body are further along in wisdom and maturity, some are closer to the beginning. Corporeal age has nothing to do with the maturity of one's Faith in Christ, nor does length of time spent in community (ie: how long one has been going to 'church', how long one has been Baptized etc.). Intention, discernment, prayer, willingness and humility seem to go further towards opening one's heart; surely the point of the journey, as only an open heart is truly capable of compassion and love.

As we are one Body, those who have traveled further in maturity (with Christ's help) have a responsibility to help make the journey of all others as un-troubled as possible. If by our conscious example and choices we can ease the path of any walking the Way, then we are obligated to do so.

If we're not doing this, we need to tend a little closer to our own footsteps along the Way...

and pray much more ceaselessly for God's Grace and Help.

Which we all should be doing anyway...

and we know it.

-peace

*RCL Lectionary reading for the Fourth Sunday of Epiphany, Feb 1, 2009.

Gone Fishin':An Early Sunday Blog 1-24-09

2009-01-24T17:50:00.000-08:00

--Now after John was arrested, Jesus came to Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God, and saying, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news."

As Jesus passed along the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the sea-- for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, "Follow me and I will make you fish for people." And immediately they left their nets and followed him. As he went a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John, who were in their boat mending the nets. Immediately he called them; and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men, and followed him.--

Mark 1:14-20

*sigh...

no pic' this blog, as my wife's computer is not letting me have that option...

sorry kids, you'll just have to use your imaginations...

here goes.

I'm tired,

and I'm gonna go fishin'.

After 15 years in Seattle: one divorce, one heavy break-up, one business failure, a decade back-stage, one religious conversion, one bachelor's degree, four ministries, three loves and one marriage later...

I'm out'a here,

come April 30th...

come Hell or high water.

I'll miss everyone and everything that I love in/of Seattle...

but sometimes it's better to miss something you love.

Sometimes sacrifice bleeds you clean.

Thus the Gospel example of Epiphany 2, 2009.

Simon and Andrew, dropping those nets, with James and John right behind them...leaving all the familiar things they held dear, that they loved: to walk the Way with Christ. A Way unknown to them, a mystery, a chance and a sacrifice with no known outcome...

with only the flame Jesus stirred in their hearts to sustain them...this terrifying, beautiful, inexplicable fire.

I feel that fire,

and I desire to burn in it as completely as I can manage this life…

and I find that I deeply desire some serious quiet in which to do it.

I fell in love with my wife… a good and honorable thing, a thing which to honor righteously one must attend to like a garden.

If God hadn’t given me this gardener’s gig, I probably would’ve entered the cloister…

if one would’a had me that is.

However, I ache for the open spaces, the pasture, orchard and garden, the small town main street…a place where folks know each other, whether they like one another or not.

A place I can dig in and make a difference as I walk…

A place to slow down and listen for the still, small voice of God.

I think God has led me towards that place which for me will unite me more firmly to His will…

I will miss y’all,

But then I’ve kinda already been gone.

-peace

Psalm for a Sunday:Feast of Christ the King

2008-11-23T11:44:00.000-08:00

Jubilate Deo*

--Be joyful in the LORD, all you lands;
serve the LORD with gladness
and come before his presence with a song.

Know this: The LORD himself is God;
he himself has made us, and we are his;
we are his people and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving;
go into his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and call upon his Name.

For the LORD is good;
his mercy is everlasting;
and his faithfulness endures from age to age.--

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: as
it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever.

Amen.

-peace

*Psalm 100 Page 729, BCP, Christ the King Sunday, 2008

For the Feast of All Saints: Matthew 5

2008-11-02T20:19:00.000-08:00

"Day of the Dead Madonna," by Lago Vista, Texas, artist Ladislao Loera

We actually only read Matt 5:1-12 from the RCL Lectionary today...

That is the 'pretty' part, the rest is much more challenging.

For me, the stuff about 'divorced women' strikes an uncomfortable cord, as does the idea of ripping my eye out for appreciating a beautiful woman.

But I guess after I'd had to rip them both out, that particular sin would no longer be troubling me.

And now... The Sermon on the Mount, with no punches pulled.

--When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:

‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

‘Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

‘Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.

‘Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

‘You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.

‘You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

‘Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfil. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

‘You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, “You shall not murder”; and “whoever murders shall be liable to judgement.” But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgement; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, “You fool”, you will be liable to the hell of fire. So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.

‘It was also said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.” But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

‘Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, “You shall not swear falsely, but carry out the vows you have made to the Lord.” But I say to you, Do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let your word be “Yes, Yes” or “No, No”; anything more than this comes from the evil one.

‘You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you.

‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax-collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.--

Matthew 5

-peace

Word:On Throwing Stones

2008-10-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

--Therefore you have no excuse, whoever you are, when you judge others; for in passing judgement on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, are doing the very same things. You say, ‘We know that God’s judgement on those who do such things is in accordance with truth.’ Do you imagine, whoever you are, that when you judge those who do such things and yet do them yourself, you will escape the judgement of God? Or do you despise the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience? Do you not realize that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But by your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath, when God’s righteous judgement will be revealed. For he will repay according to each one’s deeds: to those who by patiently doing good seek for glory and honour and immortality, he will give eternal life; while for those who are self-seeking and who obey not the truth but wickedness, there will be wrath and fury. There will be anguish and distress for everyone who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, but glory and honour and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek. For God shows no partiality.

All who have sinned apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who have sinned under the law will be judged by the law. For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but the doers of the law who will be justified. When Gentiles, who do not possess the law, do instinctively what the law requires, these, though not having the law, are a law to themselves. They show that what the law requires is written on their hearts, to which their own conscience also bears witness; and their conflicting thoughts will accuse or perhaps excuse them on the day when, according to my gospel, God, through Jesus Christ, will judge the secret thoughts of all.--

Romans 2:1-16

--Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him and he sat down and began to teach them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery; and making her stand before all of them, they said to him, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’ They said this to test him, so that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.’ And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders; and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus straightened up and said to her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, sir.’ And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.’--

John 8:2-11

Careful when throwing stones...

you just might hit yourself.

-peace

Some of my St. Francis Celebration

2008-10-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

1596 -- The Stigmatization of St. Francis; Caravaggio

This is the entire lectionary for Oct 5th, 2008 Sun; Celebration of the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi.

In other words, this is what I will hear read, twice, tomorrow at my cathedral. Twice because I'm serving the Altar at both the
9 o'clock and 11 o'clock services...

...and it's too good not to give it all to y'all.

As you read the lessons and the Gospel, try to see the patterns that connect the readings. There is usually a main one (in this case-vineyards as signifying fruits of the Spirit in human hearts and actions, and the necessity of Christ's/God's Grace and Love to make this fruitfulness possible) and a few minor ones stemming from the main. The lectionary seeks out these patterns and assigns them to a series of days through out the Church year that roughly coincides with the quasi-narrative pattern the New Testament cycles.

ahem...

As I listen to my fellow Followers read these timeless words tomorrow, my church will be filled with the pets of the parish, as on St. Francis Day (which is actually today, Oct 4th) anyone who wants can bring their pets to the cathedral to get a blessing from the priests. They'll even bless pictures of pets that wouldn't enjoy being in church and stuffed animals for the children and gifts for the ill.

No matter how frustrating my parish is sometimes, well, most times lately, I still fucking love it.

And I'm always grateful to be an Episcopalian... thanks Jesus, you rock.

The Lord be with you.

And also with you.

Let us Pray...

Collect

--Almighty and everlasting God, you are always more ready to hear than we to pray, and to
give more than we either desire or deserve: Pour upon us the abundance of your mercy,
forgiving us those things of which our conscience is afraid, and giving us those good things for
which we are not worthy to ask, except through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ our
Savior; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.--

First Reading

--Let me sing for my beloved my love-song concerning his vineyard: My beloved had a
vineyard on a very fertile hill. He dug it and cleared it of stones, and planted it with choice
vines; he built a watchtower in the midst of it, and hewed out a wine vat in it; he expected it
to yield grapes, but it yielded wild grapes. And now, inhabitants of Jerusalem and people of
Judah, judge between me and my vineyard. What more was there to do for my vineyard that I
have not done in it? When I expected it to yield grapes, why did it yield wild grapes? And now
I will tell you what I will do to my vineyard. I will remove its hedge, and it shall be devoured;
I will break down its wall, and it shall be trampled down. I will make it a waste; it shall not
be pruned or hoed, and it shall be overgrown with briers and thorns; I will also command the
clouds that they rain no rain upon it. For the vineyard of the LORD of hosts is the house of
Israel, and the people of Judah are God’s pleasant planting; the LORD expected justice, but
saw bloodshed; righteousness, but heard a cry!--

Isaiah 5:1-7

Hear what the Spirit is saying to God's people.

Thanks be to God

Second Reading

--If anyone else has reason to be confident in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth
day, a member of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew born of Hebrews; as
to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law,
blameless. Whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ. More
than that, I regard everything as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus
my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and I regard them as rubbish, in
order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that
comes from the law, but one that comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God
based on faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his
sufferings by becoming like him in his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from
the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press
on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Beloved, I do not consider
that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining
forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of
God in Christ Jesus.--

Philippians 3:4b-14

Hear what the Spirit is saying to God's people.

Thanks be to God

The Holy Gospel

--Jesus said, “Listen to another parable. There was a landowner who planted a vineyard, put a
fence around it, dug a wine press in it, and built a watchtower. Then he leased it to tenants and
went to another country. When the harvest time had come, he sent his slaves to the tenants to
collect his produce. But the tenants seized his slaves and beat one, killed another, and stoned
another. Again he sent other slaves, more than the first; and they treated them in the same way.
Finally he sent his son to them, saying, ‘They will respect my son.’ But when the tenants saw
the son, they said to themselves, ‘This is the heir; come, let us kill him and get his inheritance.’
So they seized him, threw him out of the vineyard, and killed him. Now when the owner of the
vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?” They said to him, “He will put those wretches
to a miserable death, and lease the vineyard to other tenants who will give him the
produce at the harvest time.” Jesus said to them, “Have you never read in the scriptures: ‘The
stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; this was the Lord’s doing, and it is
amazing in our eyes’? Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you
and given to a people that produces the fruits of the kingdom.” The one who falls on this stone
will be broken to pieces; and it will crush anyone on whom it falls.” When the chief priests
and the Pharisees heard his parables, they realized that he was speaking about them. They
wanted to arrest him, but they feared the crowds, because they regarded him as a prophet.--

Matthew 21: 33-46

The Gospel of the Lord.

Praise to you, Lord Christ.

Praise indeed.

Amen and...

-peace

Word 9-15-08

2008-09-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

"Forgiveness" by Thierry Ona

--Peter came and said to Jesus, "Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.

"For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, `Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, `Pay what you owe.' Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, `Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, `You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.--

Matthew 18:21-35*

Do unto others...

Don't be a hypocrite.

-peace

*RCL assigned Gospel for the 18th Sunday of Pentecost

Armor of Light

2008-09-10T17:22:00.000-07:00

--Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not covet"; and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law. Besides this, you know what time it is, how it is now the moment for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we became believers; the night is far gone, the day is near. Let us then lay aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; let us live honorably as in the day, not in reveling and drunkenness, not in debauchery and licentiousness, not in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.--

Romans 13:8-14*

I'm continually surprised at how complicated we Christians tend to make all this...

And eternally grateful for God's immanent patience, grace and love.

-peace

*RCL Assigned Reading, 17th Sunday of Pentecost 9/7/08

Is That A Light At The End Of The Tunnel? An Apology.

2008-08-26T18:51:00.000-07:00

"St. Francis and the Leper"

--Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." No, "if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.--

Romans 12:9-21

So, I am getting married this Friday, Aug 29th, to the most wonderful woman I know.

I am very, very excited, happy and filled with fear and awe at the amazing power of reciprocal, human love.

I am truly blessed.

Thanks be to God.

A lot has happened in this life of mine over the last couple of years. Some good, some bad and some very, very ugly.

Such is life, no?

The magnitude of the events/upheavals/re-alignments, however, did indeed invoke the feeling the old cliche about tunnels and the lights at the end of them is in fact speaking to. 'Overwhelmed' doesn't quite do it: I felt like the mine had caved in.

The dissolution of a 9 year long personal/business relationship, complete with physical abuse and psychotic drama; meeting and courting the love of my life; leaving a ministry, gaining/re-claiming two or three ministries; moving three times in 6 months (including piano); finding myself 35,000.00 dollars in debt, introducing my 16 year old daughter to her new, 25 year old step-mother; getting a new, full time job after only working part time for years, in a field I had never worked in before; learning to take care of 57 paranoid schizophrenics, and finding I love it; coming back to my home church, just in time to watch it dissolve into a confusion of accusations, hurt feelings and blame; building a stable home and relationship for my wife and myself; getting to know my new family and realizing the responsibilities inherent in my daughter and I being welcomed with open arms; taking responsibility for my role in my congregation, and balancing that with the reality of my wife working for our church; trying to make good on my commitment to God and my Call, while not mistreating myself and the life He has given me; trying to figure out how the hell to balance my friendships, my family, my ministries, my marriage and my relationship with Jesus...

Whew...

I had a lot of help though.

To B. who gave me a place to crash when I simply had to flee...and gives patient, stoic friendship still, I am grateful and thank God. We will hang out soon...Re-Bar anyone? It's my neighborhood dive now...

I am a hard person to be friends with, most introverted, hermetic, chronically depressed, anxiety disordered religious are.

Sorry about that...

To S. I am sorry I am such a crappy friend, but I couldn't lean on you when I wasn't able to hold you up when you needed to lean back. I got your messages, I'll drop you a line.

To N. thanks for everything. I am learning to accept my Call...but it's still a bitch! I'll get my shit together, and get the lights shining soon...

To Iona, joy and congratulations! Said a prayer for your nuptials at a little Episcopal mission in a southwestern Washington town of 600, which is where I was on the day of your joy...hope it was, and continues to be, all that you have/had hoped, dreamed and yearned for.

To I, for simply being you...I promise I will explain how you recently helped 'me and mine' soon...I just gotta download a picture or two, be patient... thanks for... well... thanks.

The tricky part for me, whether the upheaval be happy or horrible, is in dealing with it's inevitable side effects.

I am mentally ill.

There, I said it.

Am not going to whinge on about it... but it is especially challenging to deal with life's volcanic motions when one's everyday existence is like slogging through tear-gas smoked trenches.

It fucking sucks... but it sure makes you strong.

Albeit not very social.

Got back on meds in December (they're working by the way)...and got a job as a mental health caregiver the same month.

Irony or God?

Does it matter?

This month I received a promotion to 'Lead Caregiver' at the facility where I work...I am humbled by it, as it seems to suggest I have finally found something I am truly useful at... that serves those unable to serve themselves.

How Blessed to be able to support one's self while serving those most in need...I am amazed by God's Grace every morning I walk into work. Amen.

However, this new position/responsibility at work (I am on call 24/7 in case no-one shows for their shift, as we staff our facility 24 hours a day), combined with the pure adoration and devotion I feel towards my beautiful spouse (I can't stand to be two feet from her for goodness sake...), reduce my energy for social time even more...

So...

I will be opening my home as a place of hospitality (after some serious cleaning/reorganizing: ie post wedding weekend house keeping)... If you want to hang with me, that's cool, but we'll probably have to do it at my place... I got a shitload o' bills to pay n' going out's a bit pricey...

Y'all know who you are...

We'll talk soon.

-God's Peace

Psalm for a Sunday:8-3-08

2008-08-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

Psalm 145: 8-9, 15-22 Page 801, BCP

"Exaltabo te, Deus"

8
The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, *
slow to anger and of great kindness.
9
The LORD is loving to everyone *
and his compassion is over all his works.
15
The LORD upholds all those who fall; *
he lifts up those who are bowed down.
16
The eyes of all wait upon you, O LORD, *
and you give them their food in due season.
17
You open wide your hand *
and satisfy the needs of every living creature.
18
The LORD is righteous in all his ways *
and loving in all his works.
19
The LORD is near to those who call upon him, *
to all who call upon him faithfully.
20
He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; *
he hears their cry and helps them.
21
The LORD preserves all those who love him, *
but he destroys all the wicked.
22
My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD; *
let all flesh bless his holy Name for ever and ever.

Nice…

-peace

Word:Nativity of St. John the Baptist

2008-06-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

--Almighty God, by whose providence your servant John the Baptist was wonderfully born, and sent to prepare the way of your Son our Savior by preaching repentance: Make us so to follow his teaching and holy life, that we may truly repent according to his preaching; and, following his example, constantly speak the truth, boldly rebuke vice, and patiently suffer for the truth's sake; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.--

Collect, BCP for June 24

-- You are all [children] of the light and [children] of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. --

1 Thessaloninas 5:5,13-24

Here are 9 Scriptural passages that follow the life and ministry of St. John, of whom Jesus said "among those born of women, none is greater than John" (Luke 7:28).

Luke 1:5-25
Luke 1:57-80
Matthew 3:1-10
Luke 3:10-18
Matthew 3:13-17
John 1:19-34
John 3:22-30
Luke 7:18-35
Mark 6:14-29

St John the Baptist, along with St Thomas, St Paul and St Francis, is a patron saint to me. I learn, live and grow by his example everyday... I don't think I could walk this walk without it.

Of course, I rarely manage to measure up.

C'est la vive non?

-peace

A Table for Sinners: An Early Sunday Blog

2008-06-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

The Calling of Saint Matthew
Caravaggio, 1599-1600

-- As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax booth; and he said to him, "Follow me." And he got up and followed him.

And as he sat at dinner in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came and were sitting with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" But when he heard this, he said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, `I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." --

Matthew 9:9-13

Why am I an Episcopalian?

In a nutshell...

Open Table Theology.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, research it...

You'll be glad you did.

It's been a long, hard, strange and beautiful trip these last 9 months or so...

I've almost recovered enough energy to begin telling you about them.

Bet you can't wait... Hah!

-peace

Mojo on the move...

2008-05-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

Looked out the window, and on the corner, in the soft spring rain was the Brouhah Woman. speaking to the sky, the cars, the buses, gesticulating gracefully like a grand-dam at the palace ball.

It's good to be back in my hood...

with Mojo on the move.

-peace

I’m Four Days From Fucking Forty: A Pre-Birthday Blog

2008-04-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:
for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD…
forever.

Psalm 23 Page 612, BCP (Dominus regit me)

Absolutely.

This coming Sunday is the 4th Sunday of Easter.

It is also my 40th birthday.

You know what I want for my birthday?

For the grownups in my life to grow up.

For Christ’s sake…

Sheesh.

*sigh…

Having Psalm 23 as the Psalm that happens to land on my actual birthday, which happens to land on Sunday this year, is pretty darn cool though.

-peace

Word:Lent 13

2008-02-18T19:15:00.001-08:00

-- Then he called the crowd again and said to them, ‘Listen to me, all of you, and understand: there is nothing outside a person that by going in can defile, but the things that come out are what defile.’ When he had left the crowd and entered the house, his disciples asked him about the parable. He said to them, ‘Then do you also fail to understand? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters, not the heart but the stomach, and goes out into the sewer?’ (Thus he declared all foods clean.) And he said, ‘It is what comes out of a person that defiles. For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come: fornication, theft, murder, adultery, avarice, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, folly. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.’ --

Mark 7:14-23

Now, food injunctions aside, the message here is pretty clear …

The evil we do to others is a choice of the heart.

A BAD choice… (ahhh, the responsibility of free will...)

But you know that already don’t you.

Lent 2008, Day 13.

Oh…and as the 13th day of Lent falls on Feb 18th this year, we also celebrate the feast of Martin Luther today.

I’m a big fan of the O.T. reading and the Collect appointed from the BCP…

Here… I’ll make it easy…

-- O God, our refuge and our strength: You raised up your servant Martin Luther to reform and renew your Church in the light of your word. Defend and purify the Church in our own day and grant that, through faith, we may boldly proclaim the riches of your grace which you have made known in Jesus Christ our Savior, who with you and the Holy Spirit, lives and reigns, one God, now and for ever. Amen. -- the Collect

-- Seek the LORD while he may be found,call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake their way, and the unrighteous their thoughts; let them return to the LORD, that he may have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there until they have watered the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and succeed in the thing for which I sent it. --

Isaiah 55:6-11

- peace

Lamps and Dark Places: Final Sunday of Epiphany.

2008-02-04T18:40:00.000-08:00

We did not follow cleverly devised myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we had been eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received honor and glory from God the Father when that voice was conveyed to him by the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, my Beloved, with whom I am well pleased." We ourselves heard this voice come from heaven, while we were with him on the holy mountain.

So we have the prophetic message more fully confirmed. You will do well to be attentive to this as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. First of all you must understand this, that no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation, because no prophecy ever came by human will, but men and women moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.

2 Peter 1:16-21

I have come to a dark place…

…and thus I stare into the lamp.

The thing to meditate upon is, at least to me, contained in the statement…

“First of all you must understand this, that no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation, because no prophecy ever came by human will, but men and women moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.”

The Holy Spirit longs to move with you, within you and through you.

Let Her.

-peace

Word

2007-12-25T07:44:00.000-08:00

-- For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all, training us to renounce impiety and worldly passions, and in the present age to live lives that are self-controlled, upright, and godly, while we wait for the blessed hope and the manifestation of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. He it is who gave himself for us that he might redeem us from all iniquity and purify for himself a people of his own who are zealous for good deeds. --

Titus 2:11-14

Merry Christmas…

-peace

Notes from the Diaspora, Nov 16th, 2007

2007-11-16T13:04:00.000-08:00

Francisco de Zurbaran's "St Francis of Assisi"

--Now we command you, beloved, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to keep away from believers who are living in idleness and not according to the tradition that they received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us; we were not idle when we were with you, and we did not eat anyone's bread without paying for it; but with toil and labor we worked night and day, so that we might not burden any of you. This was not because we do not have that right, but in order to give you an example to imitate. For even when we were with you, we gave you this command: Anyone unwilling to work should not eat. For we hear that some of you are living in idleness, mere busybodies, not doing any work. Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. Brothers and sisters, do not be weary in doing what is right.—

2 Thessalonians 3:6-13

Oh man…

There is so much to un-pack here.

Including where I’ve been…

I picked a path you see…it’s on the Narrow Road, as always, but was most assuredly offered me as an option I could choose...and I am most glad of it.

God’s cool like that.

I have been waiting for this passage to pop up…I knew it was coming soon though. I could feel it speaking to me from things that are happening around me on my journey of late.

“…keep away from believers who are living in idleness…”

Amen.

This passage is clever, clever, clever…containing two very clear, and uncomfortably pointed messages…

The first has to do with not being like the temple priests, ie not living off the sweat of others as a disciple of Christ, “For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us; we were not idle when we were with you, and we did not eat anyone's bread without paying for it; but with toil and labor we worked night and day, so that we might not burden any of you. This was not because we do not have that right, but in order to give you an example to imitate.”

In other words, not having to be paid to do the work of God.

Like how the Dean of my Cathedral gets paid 200K a year to shepherd the flock…

Sheep herding pays well these days…or so it seems.

For myself, currently homeless, living off the charity of friends and God’s Good Grace at the moment, this passage stings a bit…

However…I just landed a new job, working as a residential caregiver for an organization that runs a number of supervised care boarding houses for the mentally ill. I really wanted the job, and the job, it turns out, really wanted me. I interviewed for a part-time evening shift…and was offered a lead position on the day shift full time. They have benefits including ones for all life partners, paid vacation/days off/holidays, advanced training, flexible hours, 403(b) retirement plan…did I mention this was the first ‘real’ job I’d interviewed for in over 6 years? And the only ad/place I called when I suddenly found I needed a job and fast?

God’s cool like that.

Thanks be to God.

Back to the sheep herders…

“Anyone unwilling to work should not eat.”

This speaks to the second message contained in this passage…the message about walking the Way.

‘Being like Jesus’, it turns out, is really hard work.

For my part it is the hardest thing I have ever tried and continue to try to do, and do well, in my entire, hard, crazy, and once awfully sordid life.

It is saying that if you are unwilling to do the hard work of the Kingdom: love your enemy, turn the other cheek, take care of those less fortunate than you, love the Lord your God above all else, love one another as Jesus loved us…and do this work first, then you should not be fed the Bread of Heaven/The Cup of Salvation.

In other words…you should not inherit the eternal life in Christ Jesus.

“For we hear that some of you are living in idleness, mere busybodies, not doing any work.”

Ministries are little life entities. Like relationships, they have beginnings and endings, morphing and changing along their life spans: sometimes easy, sometimes hard, always challenging us to grow.

I am at the end of a ministry, and it is harder to leave than I thought it would be…

But…it’s time to go. As I am weary of “busy bodied” chatter and idle faithfulness masquerading as ‘church/community’…of repeatedly running into the wall of “my way IS the right way, and I won’t have it any other way, thank you very much”…

When they don’t even seem to know the Way.

Know what I really think though?

I think most of them do know the Way…they know how hard it is, and they simply don’t want to do the work.

Work = Sacrifice

I also have a hard time being paid for ministry, most especially for ministry of the liturgical/pastoral/evangelist kind…it sticks in my spiritual craw if you will…

As the only ‘payment’ I seek for such things is not of this world but the next.

I’m kinda looking forward to it.

“Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.”

So…

I have found a way to earn my own good living while serving those in need, am leaving a paid ministry to return home to my parish and do liturgical/pastoral/evangelical ministry for God and his people there (they feed me dinner 4-6 times a month or so, it’s a fair enough trade…) and worship within the church I call Home with the people I call my brothers and sisters, my Cathedral, where I feel so very safe (despite the creepy stalker issue I just had to put an end to, this week…I outed him to the clergy of my church and they took care of it for me most definitively…they’re so great…Praise God). The path I’ve chosen has someone else on it, someone who’s welcomed me to walk in tandem with her and face the challenges in store for us both as we journey… I’ve always believed that the adventure of life is better when shared, and I am humbled and graced by her willingness to walk the path, holding my hand…*sigh…she’s pretty amazing…

Her grace and faithfulness compel me to “do (my) work quietly”…a discipline my heart is sorely in need of embracing.

Thanks Beautiful…

“Brothers and sisters, do not be weary in doing what is right.”

-peace

Word

2007-10-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

-- As for you, continue in what you have learned and firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it, and how from childhood you have known the sacred writings that are able to instruct you for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that everyone who belongs to God may be proficient, equipped for every good work.

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I solemnly urge you: proclaim the message; be persistent whether the time is favorable or unfavorable; convince, rebuke, and encourage, with the utmost patience in teaching. For the time is coming when people will not put up with sound doctrine, but having itching ears, they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own desires, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander away to myths. As for you, always be sober, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, carry out your ministry fully. --

2 Timothy 3:14-4:5*

“All scripture is inspired by God…”

ALL.

Think about that folks…

Personally, being a comparative religion scholar, I think about it a lot.

And you should too.

INSPIRED.

Not dictated, not inerrant, not literal…inspired by the Holy Spirit (Sophia) but expressed through the filter of men’s hearts, minds, words and hands. Sinners…imperfect human creatures no better nor worse, no fundamentally different than you or I.

People trying to find the road home…

“As for you, always be sober, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, carry out your ministry fully.”

Yes, it IS that simple.

And yes… it is the hardest thing you will ever try to do, and do well.

- God’s Peace

*BCP Lectionary readings for the 21st Sunday after Pentecost, 10/21/07

A Feast for Philip

2007-10-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Holy God, no one is excluded from your love, and your truth transforms the minds of all who seek you: As your servant Philip was led to embrace the fullness of your salvation and to bring the stranger to Baptism, so give us all the grace to be heralds of the Gospel, proclaiming your love in Jesus Christ our Savior, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Collect for the Feast of Philip, Deacon and Evangelist.

-- An angel of the Lord said to Philip, "Get up and go toward the south to the road that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza." (This is a wilderness road.) So he got up and went. Now there was an Ethiopian eunuch, a court official of the Candace, queen of the Ethiopians, in charge of her entire treasury. He had come to Jerusalem to worship and was returning home; seated in his chariot, he was reading the prophet Isaiah. Then the Spirit said to Philip, "Go over to this chariot and join it." So Philip ran up to it and heard him reading the prophet Isaiah. He asked, "Do you understand what you are reading?" He replied, "How can I, unless someone guides me?" And he invited Philip to get in and sit beside him. Now the passage of the scripture that he was reading was this:

"Like a sheep he was led to the slaughter,
and like a lamb silent before its shearer,
so he does not open his mouth.
In his humiliation justice was denied him.
Who can describe his generation?
For his life is taken away from the earth."

The eunuch asked Philip, "About whom, may I ask you, does the prophet say this, about himself or about someone else?" Then Philip began to speak, and starting with this scripture, he proclaimed to him the good news about Jesus. As they were going along the road, they came to some water; and the eunuch said, "Look, here is water! What is to prevent me from being baptized?" He commanded the chariot to stop, and both of them, Philip and the eunuch, went down into the water, and Philip baptized him. When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord snatched Philip away; the eunuch saw him no more, and went on his way rejoicing. But Philip found himself at Azotus, and as he was passing through the region, he proclaimed the good news to all the towns until he came to Caesarea. --

Acts 8:26-40

Oct 11th is the Feast of Philip; deacon, evangelist, …

My kind of guy.

The story of Philip and the Ethiopian is, for me, a clean example of what it is to Evangelize…and do it right.

Evangelism is tricky. The main skill involved being the ability to open oneself to the promptings of the Spirit and seize the moment. The second is having faith enough to stand there and tell the Good News to a total stranger. The third, the ‘closer’ if you will, is the willingness to let God speak through you, as you will probably not know what to say in that moment if you rely on yourself alone.

The ability to open oneself to the Spirit; ie hearing the voice of God, is a learned skill. It takes constant discernment and massive amounts of regular, genuine prayer. It is work folks, and takes honest, daily commitment, self-discipline and patience.

It works though. My sorry, sinner’s ass is living proof of that.

Because if I can do it, and do it well, anybody can.

Seizing the moment takes a certain kind of courage, the self-confidence kind. Here’s the trick though…the same faith that makes it possible for you to stand there and speak the Gospel is all you need to find the confidence to seize the moment in the first place. Neat huh?

And the closer? The same practiced skill of listening for/to the voice of God is the same skill that cultivates the familiarity needed to allow God to speak with your mouth. It is God, after all, that will tell the person receiving the Gospel what they need to hear. The evangelist’s job, if they are doing it right, is to simply be a clean vessel through which the Word flows.

Hone these skills; pray everyday, read the Word, be still and listen for the voice of God. Stand firm in your faith, don’t let doubt undermine your Baptismal promise and look for the windows the Spirit makes to spread the Good News. Philip did, alone on that road, facing a stranger, all those long years ago…

So do I, so shall you…

Seize the moment.

Thanks be to God.

-peace

Word

2007-10-07T09:55:00.000-07:00

-- Therefore we must pay greater attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it. For if the message declared through angels was valid, and every transgression or disobedience received a just penalty, how can we escape if we neglect so great a salvation? It was declared at first through the Lord, and it was attested to us by those who heard him, while God added his testimony by signs and wonders and various miracles, and by gifts of the Holy Spirit, distributed according to his will. Now God did not subject the coming world, about which we are speaking, to angels. But someone has testified somewhere, "What are human beings that you are mindful of them, or mortals, that you care for them? You have made them for a little while lower than the angels; you have crowned them with glory and honor, subjecting all things under their feet." Now in subjecting all things to them, God left nothing outside their control. As it is, we do not yet see everything in subjection to them, but we do see Jesus, who for a little while was made lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. It was fitting that God, for whom and through whom all things exist, in bringing many children to glory, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through sufferings. For the one who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one Father. For this reason Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters, saying, "I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters, in the midst of the congregation I will praise you." And again, "I will put my trust in him." And again, "Here am I and the children whom God has given me." Since, therefore, the children share flesh and blood, he himself likewise shared the same things, so that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by the fear of death. For it is clear that he did not come to help angels, but the descendants of Abraham. Therefore he had to become like his brothers and sisters in every respect, so that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make a sacrifice of atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself was tested by what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested. --

Hebrews 2

“…free those who all their lives were held in slavery by the fear of death.”

This is the answer folks, to THE question I hear, am asked, again and again and again…

What is Salvation? What does that mean?

Just what is Jesus saving me from?

He saves you from yourself.

All sin, all of it, can be traced back to one simple premise…

We are mortal: we can’t change that…

And we are afraid to die.
We are, in fact, slaves to our fear of death.

-- I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain. –

Frank Herbert, “Dune” 1965

-peace

If You Could See The View From Here…

2007-10-01T13:35:00.001-07:00

Caravaggio - The Incredulity of Saint Thomas 1601-02, Oil on canvas,
107 x 146 cm Sanssouci, Potsdam

-- But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the Lord.’ But he said to them, ‘Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.’
A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.’ Thomas answered him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Jesus said to him, ‘Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet come to believe.’—

John 20:24-29

-- Faith is not belief without proof, but Trust without reservations. – Elton Trueblood

For the first time, I find myself with so much I want to say that I don’t know how to say it.

I am in completely uncharted waters here folks…

Fucking shattered by gratitude.

For so many things, I…am…fucking…overwhelmed.

I have never, ever, Ever felt like this before.

I can hardly hold up my head…

I have a bone-deep understanding of the meaning of the word gratitude. I have an inordinate amount to be grateful for, and I am far from stupid concerning the author of the things I have to be grateful for…

However, even for freaks like me that do no not experience doubt about God, in any capacity, ever… He still gets right in your face. He is/becomes everything, is everywhere…no separation…I can hardly hold up my head…

I have no words…

If you could see the view from here, you would be shattered too.

How does one speak to the magnitude of God’s grace? How does one cope with the awesome, clear understanding of God’s love? His generosity when one is faithful? His limitless forgiveness, when we sin again and again and again…

How do I make you understand what happens when you let go and just believe?

Believe.

Going to church, being baptized, saved, welcomed, confirmed…this does not make you a believer.

Believing does.

Without belief your prayers are dust and air, your petitions wind, your cries for salvation whispers in the darkness. Who is it you pray to, if you don’t really believe?

Believe, open your eyes, turn around…

See, Christ stands right behind you, hand outstretched…you can trust Him...just take it.

He is the Good News, we are the Resurrection and the Kingdom is now.

If you would see the view from here, you too would believe.

How do I speak of a Trust built upon hundreds of millions of moments exploding with the presence/proof/essence of God? How do I describe the reality of God himself written on every single thing in my life? Shining out, more terrible than a thousand suns, from the faces of the people who love me, the people who hate me and all the people in between? From the very air itself?

How do I speak to the power of God, when He wants something to be? To His loving tenacity when it comes to His Church? To the miracles He makes possible when we engage in true community, when we pray together, work together and live together for Him before ourselves? To the redemptive gift of sharing a church and ministry: to the Glory of what the Spirit will do when two or more of us gather in His name…do His work, do His will?

How do I do justice in words to the soul shattering Grace of asking/praying/begging/breaking for what I need and receiving it in spades? A gift greater than any my mad, passionate pilgrim’s heart could have ever conceived or would ever dared to ask for…

A special, God given dispensation that I had neither looked for nor ever expected to be allowed to have again… a gift I am scared I will screw up and lose, as I am a very simple sinner…

I can hardly hold up my head…

-- If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances – Unknown.

You stand at the edge of the Abyss, so eternally deep you can’t see the bottom, clouds swirl below, melting colors you’ve never seen, wind blowing, smelling of infinity…

Stretch out your arms, close your eyes…and jump.

Just jump…

Trust.

God will catch you…I promise.

You can see the view from here…

But first you must Trust…

And Believe.

Word

2007-09-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

Some Thoughts on Enough: An Early Sunday Blog

2007-09-29T11:14:00.001-07:00

-- Jesus said, "There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who longed to satisfy his hunger with what fell from the rich man's table; even the dogs would come and lick his sores. The poor man died and was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with Lazarus by his side. He called out, `Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames.' But Abraham said, `Child, remember that during your lifetime you received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in agony. Besides all this, between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us.' He said, `Then, father, I beg you to send him to my father's house-- for I have five brothers-- that he may warn them, so that they will not also come into this place of torment.' Abraham replied, `They have Moses and the prophets; they should listen to them.' He said, `No, father Abraham; but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent.' He said to him, `If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.'" --

Luke 16:19-31*

Ahhh, the BCP lectionary strikes again…as the seductive greed of monetary desire, and the wrongness of it, is a topic the Lord is asking me to address at present.

I have a church leader that I dearly love. He is the mid-wife whose hands brought me through the waters of Baptism into my new life in Christ; he has had the experience of receiving a miracle direct from God’s hand, as I have, and he has seen and done things, hard things, things I can only imagine…things that I could never, ever do.

But he has forgotten himself, has been seduced by the “American Dream”…

…the one that goes, “More money, more money, more money…”

When will people learn that there is such a thing as enough?

When will the leaders of the Church accept that their behavior and choices dictate the state of the entire Church for us all?

When will they choose God and the Way as they all promised to do? Not only at their Baptisms, but again at their Ordinations…

I have seen enough of both, and know those promises well…

How can they miss the multitude of Scriptural examples, including the parable above, that clearly state what will happen to those who have been seduced by the sin of greed?

Greed folks, one of the Seven Deadly Sins…no shit.

I would take these Sins to heart people, sincerely…as it is clear what happens when we don’t…

-- ‘Child, remember that during your lifetime you received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in agony. Besides all this, between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us.' –

It’s the ‘…between you and us a great chasm has been fixed…’ part that really scares the shit out of me.

Fixed.

It should scare the shit out of you too…

Enough…

There is, in fact, something really important that Jesus is saying about himself here.

No, it is that, but it is much more than that…let’s see if I can catch it…

-- “ ‘Abraham replied, `They have Moses and the prophets; they should listen to them.' He said, `No, father Abraham; but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent.' He said to him, `If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.'" --

This statement is so eternally true, and so eternally sad…it’s enough to break your heart.

What does it take folks, to believe? For you to believe?

I am in no position to judge…I’m not really into the business of ‘judging’ anymore anyway…as what it took for me to believe was fucking extreme, and as a result, like Paul, I am now ‘hardwired’ with the Gospel entire.

St. Paul, however, was a hell of a lot smarter than I’m ever going to be…

What Jesus is saying here is about what it takes to believe. It is a lament, a human being facing a great and terrible truth, that to rise one has to die first. The horror? To walk obediently into such a terrible death, to rise again in triumph…knowing all the while it still won’t be enough.

What is enough?

The moment of my Salvation, ten years ago this Christmas, was absolutely precipitated by the sudden understanding of what the Crucifixion/Resurrection was really saying.

Rose from the dead folks…rose from the dead.

Re-animated flesh. Which breaks the most basic, foundational law of this Earth…

Dead is, well…DEAD.

Ahem…

And down the rabbit hole I went, shared a life, saw Christ’s face, died and came back someone else…hardwired and shattered, broken by God for His business. All in the space of about 5 minutes Earth time. That whole ‘God is outside time and space’ stuff is pretty neat like that.

This is what it took for me to believe. I am ashamed it took so much actually, but oh so grateful I made it at all…thanks Big Guy.

-- “…neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.'" --

What is enough...and we’re back where we started.

There is such a thing as enough; enough money, enough notoriety, enough authority, enough, well, stuff…as I’ve said many times; you can’t take it with you…

But it can, and will, take your eternal life…and we only get one shot at this folks, only one.

What then is enough?

Faith.

Faith is enough…and you can never, ever have too much. Feast sumptuously…the banquet table is laid…

-- As for you, man of God, pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith; take hold of the eternal life, to which you were called and for which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep the commandment without spot or blame until the manifestation of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will bring about at the right time-- he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords. It is he alone who has immortality and dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see; to him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.

As for those who in the present age are rich, command them not to be haughty, or to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but rather on God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, generous, and ready to share, thus storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of the life that really is life. --

1 Timothy 6:11-19*

Hear what the Spirit is saying to God’s people.

Thanks be to God.

-peace

*all readings per the BCP lectionary, Sept 30, 2007, Eighteenth Sunday after Pentecost.

Damn it's good to be back...

2007-09-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

Hey out there in inter-web land...

I'm back!

My computer was in the shop, $450 later and it is like new again...sincerely.

It has been re-set to the factory default as it had to have brain surgery and is now fresh as a baby's newly powdered backside...and empty of everything I once had on it. Don't worry though, I got a back-up drive...the PLM is most efficient like that, thinks of every contingency...he's the coolest. Thank God, as I am pretty hopeless...

So much had happened while I've been away...a bishop has been consecrated, my little church is set to get gutted starting Oct 1st, am getting ready to start yet another round of revolution at my cathedral parish, and...my heart has found what it was searching for, in a person I didn't expect, and who is more singularly amazing than anything my imagination could have ever come up with.

She is the most beautiful, incredible girl in the world... and I am fucking CRAZY about her. I had forgotten how amazing the feeling of reciprocated attraction truly is...and how good it feels to hold a wonderful woman in your arms who wants to hold you too... *sigh... unbelievable.

God does in fact love me, and His presents are the best ones ever...thanks man!

Obedience does, in fact, pay off...go figure.

So, get your reading glasses ready...I've got a lot to tell you, and know...I really missed talking to you all.

-peace

Estimating the Cost of the Cross: A Sunday Blog

2007-09-09T10:25:00.000-07:00

The Holy Gospel, BCP Lectionary, 15th Sunday after Pentecost

-- Now large crowds were traveling with Jesus; and he turned and said to them, “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry the cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to wage war against another king, will not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to oppose the one who comes against him with twenty thousand? If he cannot, then, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for the terms of peace. So therefore, none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.” --

Luke 14:25-33

“…estimate the cost”…

It continues to be a great source of comfort to me that my spiritual life is locked in tandem with the lectionary schedule in the BCP. I guess that’s one of the reasons why my church is the Episcopal one…

Cost estimation was one of the predominant themes I wrestled with in the desert. I came to understand that the ultimate cost has already been paid, thus why should I worry?

“Whoever does not carry the cross and follow me cannot be my disciple”

The trick lies not in picking it up, however, but in not putting it down when you realize how heavy it is, how the splinters dig into your flesh, how long the walk is going to be and how terribly tall the top of Calvary* is…and what lies at the end.

“ Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to ridicule him, saying ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish’ “

Use Free Will wisely and well. The fact that you have it is proof of being made in the image of God. Through it we have been given the power to create or destroy: a tiny, earthly mirror of God’s power over All. His greatest gift to us, and our greatest responsibility.

Look into your heart and be honest with yourself. Are you ready to pick up that cross and not put it down? Make sure you know what you’re getting into, because you know how bad you feel when you start something important and don’t follow through.

You feel regret…and regret stains your soul for all of eternity.

“If he cannot, then, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for the terms of peace.”

Be honest with yourself: be compassionate. Use discernment to determine if you are equipped to face the challenge of that cross, if you are ready to not put it down once you pick it up. If not, take the initiative and ask God for forgiveness, for terms of peace…it’s easy, you are already forgiven. Then forgive yourself; we all come to readiness in our own time.

With Gods’ help.

“Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple… therefore, none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.”

The Gospel is very simple, as good news always is…

You must give up your Life, and all it possesses…nothing more, nothing less.

-peace

*The name “Calvary” comes from the Latin Vulgate translation of “skull,” calvaria.

Back from the Desert and a Little Pissed Off.

2007-09-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

-- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. --

Luke 6:31

What the fuck people?

I don’t get how in our brave new, post-modern society, where everyone wails and cries about how we all need to care more, about everything…no one really wants to.

Caring takes work. Caring takes intentionality. Caring takes sacrifice…in other words caring takes time.

And we humans are most selfish with our time. Mortality sucks like that.

What’s even worse though, is what happens when you have the audacity to care about others, just because you do.

See, people are stuck in this rut these days, for various and sundry sociological/psychological reasons, of thinking that when you do something for them, you always expect some kind of pay-off in return.

This attitude, in fact, sucks big time.

It also sucks the life out of people like me.

Which is why people like me often get to work for God.

We wouldn’t survive otherwise.

I possess these bad habits. I’m too gullible, because I take everyone seriously and always give people the benefit of the doubt. I always try to just say what I mean or not say anything at all. I can’t lie, because I can’t take the time to remember everything I say, so I just tell the truth. When I care about someone, I treat them the way I would like to be treated… with compassion, loyalty, honesty and respect for their individuality.

I am disabled. I don’t possess the ability to talk around things passive-aggressively so as not to have to really say anything at all, or commit. I’ve no talent at manipulating people or situations for my own, singular, ends. I am incapable of caring about someone partially, or qualifying love – “ I love you, but not like that…”. I cannot work two angles at once nor can I dangle multiple ‘romantic’ interests on a string simultaneously. I don’t do casual sex. I cannot qualify ‘levels’ of friendship. When I say I like or care about you I mean it, when I say I love you I don’t expect a pay-off…and I never say “I love you” unless I’m serious and sure of it.

In other words, I am a door-mat.

But not anymore.

See, I just got back from the desert.

And I’ve got one hell of a sunburn.

It was hot, it was lonely, it was big and scary, dry as a bone and empty as dust. God stuck me out there because He needed to tell me some things I needed to hear, whether I wanted to or not…and He didn’t want to be interrupted. It wasn’t… any… fun… at all.

And I am tired. It was a long haul…but very, very good.

The mantra He gave me, among other things soon to be acted upon, is a verse we’ve all heard so many times no one takes in the meaning anymore…even though it contains everything anyone needs to know. I leave it with you now. Meditate upon it, we will be unpacking it soon enough…

-- If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. –

1 Corinthians 13

I intend to do just as this says. Which means I have a lot of work to do…and I could really use some co-workers.

Anyone want to sign up?

-peace

Word

2007-08-31T22:26:00.000-07:00

-- I am grateful to Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because he judged me faithful and appointed me to his service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a [person] of violence. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the foremost. But for that very reason I received mercy, so that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display the utmost patience, making me an example to those who would come to believe in him for eternal life. --

1 Timothy 1:12-16

That’s me.

-peace

Of Light: An Early Sunday Essay.

2007-08-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

-- If you remove the yoke from among you,
the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil,
if you offer your food to the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the afflicted,
then your light shall rise in the darkness
and your gloom be like the noonday.
The LORD will guide you continually,
and satisfy your needs in parched places,
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters never fail.
Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to live in.
If you refrain from trampling the sabbath,
from pursuing your own interests on my holy day;
if you call the sabbath a delight
and the holy day of the LORD honorable;
if you honor it, not going your own ways,
serving your own interests, or pursuing your own affairs;
then you shall take delight in the LORD,
and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth;
I will feed you with the heritage of your ancestor Jacob,
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken. –

Isaiah 58:9b-14*

Light has been on my mind a lot lately. Both the tangible kind that I am once again pursuing the manipulation of, and the meta-physical/spiritual kind Sacred Scripture talks about.

I love light, the quality of it. The emotive, tangibility of golden, horizontal, late afternoon sun trembling on the verge of smoky, evening dusk. The cold, silver, Seattle light of mid-winter, when every color pops to life as though infused with deep, saturated, primary ink. The glowing, Parish-blue iridescence of a clear summer sky over deep water the moment before evening turns to blue-black velvet night.

"The Mill Pond", Maxfield Parish.

This is why I am a lighting designer.

And why missing it felt like a craving…

What a great blessing it was when I landed back-stage…all those years ago. A world where the emotive manipulation of light is understood and appreciated as a necessary component of artistic presentation and expression: a world where my intuitive comprehension of light as artistic medium was eminently useful.

Being useful at doing what you love is one of the greatest feelings on earth.

I highly recommend it.

Rock n’ Roll lighting design is like playing another instrument along with the band. To do it well takes a love of the music you are working with (or at least an appreciation of the musicianship), a working knowledge of music, popular music forms and the songs that will be played for any given show, and having an intuitive ability to feel the emotional state of the band and the audience and manipulate them.

You also have to know how to hang, focus, program and run the equipment. And a working knowledge of electricity and repair is also needed, if you don’t want to end up with dead lights and a very frustrated band.

Finally, but certainly not least, you need to be able to think on your feet and efficiently address any contingency that may crop up…

Cos’ they meant it when they said “The Show Must Go On”.

Lighting is highly emotive, there’s some solid, foundational spiritual/pyschological reasons for this we’ll touch on later, suffice to say that when used in tandem with powerful music and strong stage design, manipulating the masses, if you will, comes very, very easy…

The following video clips are two examples of my lighting design mentor, Lawrence Upton’s work. He’s a quintessentially mad Englishman, who makes well over 6 figures each year designing lighting for the elite of the rock n’ roll world. This crazy man once told David Bowie’s manager over the phone that while he appreciated the offer to design lights for Mr. Bowie’s next tour, he found David Bowie to be “a fucking wanker” and therefore would not be working for him…ever. Click!

I worship and adore him. He is quite simply the best.

**disclaimer warning – Do Not watch the Marilyn Manson video is you are easily offended! Rated R, Rated R!!! But you will be missing the finest 5 or so seconds of opening lighting sequence, and the most classic example of the power of rock n’ roll theatre ever… watch at your own risk **

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Sacred scriptures all talk about Light, over and over again.

From the Isaiah passage above, to…

--"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. – Matt. 5:14-16…

and…

-- On life's journey Faith is nourishment, Virtuous deeds are a shelter, Wisdom is the light by day and Right mindfulness is the protection by night. – The Buddha.

the most famous…

--In the beginning when God created* the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face of the waters. Then God said, ‘Let there be light’; and there was light. And God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. --- Genesis 1:1-5

Finally, my favorite passage…

-- In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.
There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. He himself was not the light, but he came to testify to the light. The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. – John 1:1-10.

The spiritual conception attached to light dates back to our most Ancient of Days. Indeed, it is as old as human beings, one of our first, foundational spiritual assignations, and for good reason.

Back at our beginnings, when it got dark it got Dark. Darkness meant cold, unknown/unseen danger. Large carnivorous felines roamed it, seeking human flesh, packs of wild dogs and jackals, ready to run you down, tearing your meat from your bones. You could easily get lost in it, if you strayed too far from the HomeLight of the cooking fire at the cave’s mouth. In Winter, the Dark’s unrepentant cold brought Death, again and again and again. It was the first enemy, identified with Death, Destruction and Chaos, which is why Genesis, one of the oldest written sources on earth, cites the Dark as the medium of the Void.

And then there was Light.

Light! The first savior and sustainer of all life as we know or have ever known it on Earth. Light breaks Darkness’ hold, brings warmth and vision, and nourishes the plants and the skin. Light’s increase heralds the end of Winter, the shortening of Darkness and returns the life to the soil and thus us as well. We captured it’s power in the form of Fire, our own little piece of the Light, to cook our food, warm/light our living space and protect us from Darkness, and the unseen forces inhabiting it.

Along with Woman, Light was the first thing we worshipped and gave thanks for.

Woman = Birth-er of New Life, Light = Sustainer of All Life.

No big surprises there.

Our relationship with the visceral, meta-physical conception of Light is so deeply infused into our blood it’s personifications and manifestations have pervaded almost every spiritual and narrative oration ever conceptualized: spoken or written.

God said, “Let there be Light.”, Jesus said “I am the Light of the World.”, Light from Darkness, “her face lit up like a lamp…”, “ Let your Light shine…”, Good guys always wear white… “the light shone from his face like a thousand suns…”, “Be like a light in the darkness…”, The light of Truth…”Let your true nature shine like a light in the darkness…”, Guiding Light, “the light of life flickered out as he died.”, God from God, Light from Light, True God from True God…, “Go into the Light…”, “I can’t see. Can someone please turn on the light?”...

On and on and on…

Science has taught us that Light has actual Weight. I get it, how this works, something to do with mass and electro-magnetic energy… but understanding it doesn’t mean I can articulate it, sorry about that.

Simplistically, this means Light comes in actual contact with you, on both the physical mass and electro-magnetic energy levels. It touches your skin, and in pressing against you makes heat somehow, think about that, the next time the summer sun literally ‘presses against your skin’… it’s electro-magnetism reacting with your own, feeding into you and reflecting back, like rain clouds bursting over the ocean. You are continually aware of this interaction, on a bio-conscious level, and acutely aware of its absence… as folks living in Seattle can well attest.

You crave the Light, because you were made to exist in it, a symbiosis of being. How lovely.

Conversely, as with any craving, one can be controlled by the manipulation of the substance they crave…

Which is where we came in… about why I’m a lighting designer I mean.

You are in a large crowd in a hot room filled with murmuring anticipatory voices shrieks laughs shouts filler music playing in the background. An empty stage rising head high dominates one side of the room all eyes minds nerves tuned to the slightest movement across it as techs fuss and fiddle building anticipatory tension. The techs know this revel in it sometimes drawing their duties out playing the tension winding the crowd up like a zip-top. Magically the stage clears is still a moment hangs in the air the crowd becomes Audience whose suddenly corporate soul rises to tremble into the air waiting focused attuned. Plunge. Into Darkness. Audience screams to meet the Dark like a storm force carrying the Artists on stage like surf into the most pregnant of pauses. A downbeat out of darkness heralded by massive beams of crystal and colored Light exploding out of the black coalescing on fragile beautiful Artists Creators Deliverers the delicate vehicles of the thing all these people have gathered here to feel experience appreciate take in. Have come to be consumed by. Light moving changing shapes tones colors driven by the movement and change of the music itself captures and caresses the Eye keeping its T.V. afflicted shortened modern-stress-filled-life attention span pinned to the stage and thus the Artists while Sound alive with its own mass/weight and electro-magnetic reverberation pounds ears body shivering stirring the very salt water inflating our cells. This mass of energy sound light human life coalesces becoming more than the sum of its parts becoming a new entity filling up all the parts transporting them somewhere cleaner communal connected. A magic Light filled Sound caressing Box full of life light joyous noise where for a few precious hours the cares of the world are forgotten and Oneness is momentarily achieved.

Know what I mean?

Light is energy, energy life. How then does your Light shine? Imagine the energy of life fueled by right action agreed upon and perpetrated… imagine the Light of millions of candles applying their weight/mass/energy to Truth, Justice and Peace. Imagine living a life where every moment feels as good as that rock concert…

Let there be Light.

-peace

*scheduled reading from RCL for Sun 8/26/07.
** all concert images - Lawrence Upton Light and Design.

Condo Living Would Be Great…If It Weren’t For The Feckin’ Neighbors

2007-08-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

-- Do unto others what you would have done unto you --

Luke 6:31

I live in this sexy condo, overlooking the entire city of Seattle, with a view of Lake Union, the Puget Sound and the Olympic Mountains. Two bedroom, one and a half bath, washer, dryer dishwasher, dog run, cable…and the best sunset views ever!

And the whiniest, cowardly, revoltingly passive-aggressive, liberal, milquetoast assholes for neighbors.

I hate them.

Not very Christian of me huh?

*Sigh…

Exhibit A).

4th of July before last the neighbors in the apartment building behind our condos got a little boisterous with their illegal fireworks. Nothing burned that shouldn’t have, they were just drunk and firing them off till 2am. A neighbor puts a post up on the community email board, at about 10:30p that went something like this –

“As usual, our neighbors are firing fireworks in their parking lot and creating a disturbance. I am tired of this, if anyone would like to call the Seattle P.D. for me and get it taken care of, here is the number for the non emergency line, 206-625-5011 (this is the real number by the way). This is a real nuisance and has got to stop. Thanks.”

What?!?!?

Jesus H. Christ man, your Mommy doesn’t live here. If you have a problem with it, damn well be an adult and deal with it yourself! Sheeesh… My PLM (platonic life mate) responded to Mr. Milquetoast with a nicer version of the preceding comment. Milquetoast’s response?

“Well, I don’t want to deal with it myself, because I don’t like conflict. But I think someone should deal with it because I really don’t like when they do it,”

Fuck an A…

Exhibit B)

I have two little lhasadors (chocolate lab crossed with lhasa apso…a happy accident to be sure!), today is their birthday, and they are 2 years old. Littermates: brother and sister, named Jaime (Hi-may, it’s Spanish) and Sofia for the brother of Jesus and the Wisdom of God. I know, I know I’m a total dork… anyway…They are good dogs, a little high strung as smaller dogs tend to be…and Sofia has some psychological nerve damage as a result of spending the first 9 months of her life with a complete and total psycho for an owner. Seriously, I had to obtain a lawyer and fight for this little dog’s right to a good home to get her away from her former owner…who was and is, did I mention, a serious bonafide nutcase? Had to threaten said psycho with a restraining order to keep her and her nutty Mom away from me…it was ridiculous. Sofia, the $500 mutt. He's on the left, she's on the right...

The upshot?

Sofia is a terrible barker. Barky dogs often disturb your neighbors, and rightly so. Which is what she did…without our knowledge. You know, it’s summer, it’s hot, we have huge, wall-to-wall west facing windows…and our unrepentant barker was sticking her whole head out the open window and barking at every living thing that passed on the sidewalk below, three floors down. And Sofia has an impressive set of lungs…20 lbs and barks with the force of a German Shepard. However, I just witnessed it for myself last week, on Thursday to be exact.

So… I shut the windows now.

Two months ago or more, a nasty, illiterate, vulgar, anonymous note showed up on our door, going something like this –

“Your dogs are barking AGAIN like they always do. If you don’t stop there constently barking, I will FUCKING CALL the COPS. Stop you’re dogs fucking barking NOW. Thanks”

What?!?!

The kicker?

The nasty little note was written on a torn piece of notepaper, with this printed along the bottom…

“The Peace of the Lord be always with you”

Fuck an A…

And that was it. Until a week ago today it turns out, when said neighbor sent an emergency page to our property manager, to tell her the dogs were barking. He also proceeded to tell her that he had left multiple notes and had knocked on the door multiple times. He also said that the dogs bark after quiet hours (10pm) often until Midnight or later.

All of this is total, inflated, cowardly, passive-aggressive fabrication, manufactured to use our property manager to threaten us for him like she’s a tool.

Loser.

Thankfully, our property manager is cool as hell, and not really up for being used like a tool… by anyone. I dig her and we get along well…which is good, as I’m on the condo board.

Which meets tonight, which will be fun for me, as I am on the agenda for a finable offense per condo association rules. Also the irate, milquetoast offendee has now roped in the equally milquetoast condo board president…who by the way saw the dogs barking out the window two weeks ago, but “thought I would just let it go until someone complained”.

Nicely done, condo board prez, way to do your job!

What the hell is wrong with people in Seattle? They profess to be so liberal, so concerned, so humane and decent, so beyond racism, elitism and separatism that they don’t even have to think about such things, let alone address or admit to them…what a bunch of bullshit.

What they really are is a bunch of spoiled, affluent assholes, wallowing in delusions of grandeur, with no spine and no common decency for anyone, unless they get some sort of payoff out of it for themselves…often at the other person’s expense. So crippled by their P.C. passive-aggressiveness that they actually believe that they aren’t a bunch of judgemental, elitist, wanna be neuvo-riche, nasty snobs.

I hate them…often.

Not very Christian of me huh?

And there-in lies the problem. Or at least a good part of it, as far as I can see…

They don’t know God…thus, no accountability to behave like anything other than self-centered, conceited assholes.

Think I’m wrong?

The Northwest is the least churched geographic area of the U.S. Seattle, the least churched city, and Fremont, the neighborhood wherein my ministry resides, the least churched of all. 90% of the residents of Fremont claim ‘None’ when asked what their religion/church affiliation is. In fact, the Northwest is officially known as ‘The None Zone’ in religious scholastic circles.

So, no accountability to anything higher than the almighty Dollar, and the shallow, short-lived comforts it buys you… to make yourself feel better about being a milquetoast little prick.

*Sigh…

At least it is beautiful here…and I have a great view.

-peace

Hamstrung and Confused.

2007-08-15T22:06:00.001-07:00

Oh man…

I hate when you’re reading a correspondence, from someone you think really highly of…a great, heart-felt, generous note, full of prayer requests and open vulnerability about struggles with faith and call…and right in the middle, they say this –

“… - but I no longer buy into that Catholics aren't Christian stuff)”

What?!?!

Oh God, my hamstrings!

Where does this come from? I am serious here folks…help me understand, please?

I mean, for real…what the FUCK?!?

I am at a loss. I feel pretty stupid about this, as I am a comparative religion scholar, with a focus on, well… Christianity for God’s sake! How did I miss this whole dialogue about how Catholics are not Christian, and how anyone can actually justify thinking this? I ask, with most earnest sincerity, as this is not the first time I’ve been hamstrung by this opinion.

A little help please?

I have worshipped with Catholics many, many times. I love it…except for that whole closed communion thing…don’t get me started on whose Table that is… anyway… and I plan on doing it many, many times more. I’ve even had the privilege and joyous pleasure of acolyte-ing (little white robe and all) for a multi-faith service at St. James Cathedral, Seattle, assisting one of my Episcopal, Diocesan Bishops and carrying a torch in the Gospel procession. It is one of my finest memories of service/liturgical ministry.

And I gotta tell ya’, I’m pretty fucking sure that’s Jesus up there on that big-ass Crucifix.

Which I’m pretty sure makes them Christian too.

Thus, confusion of the most serious sort has descended on my head and heart. Plus, it’s an asinine position to take. I can’t even speak to it rationally it is so…fucking…stupid.

Don’t want to get hard hearted on this…just looking for a little input from y’all on this one for real…cos’ I got nothin’…

Nothing…*sigh…

-peace

Heart-full of Treasure, Tips on Eternity: A (late) Sunday Blog

2007-08-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

-- Jesus said to his disciples, "Do not be afraid, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give alms. Make purses for yourselves that do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:32-34

This isn’t the whole reading for Luke this Sunday…I’m just not up to tackling anything more today. Didn’t even make it to the Cathedral for worship, if you wanna know the truth…

I’m covered though, as on average I take communion twice a week…a common side effect when one works for the liturgical arm of the Church.

Did I say side effect? …I meant privilege…ahem.

This is a favorite passage of mine. I’ll try to break it down easy…

God did not put us here to suffer. He really does love us. There is nothing to be afraid of…except fear itself.

-- I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain. –

‘The Litany Against Fear’, “Dune”, by Frank Herbert, 1965.

When I start to feel afraid, as any mortal creature is bound to do from time to time, I caste about for something to relate/compare my feelings to, in an attempt to find equilibrium. Being a Christian, the logical choice is to look at the Crucifixion. I figure one of the myriad functions the Cross serves is as point of perspective. All fear can be traced back to our simple, unavoidable fear of our own, inevitable mortality. So, Jesus dies a most definitive and gruesomely spectacular death on the Cross…then shows us that there is nothing to be afraid of by rising, corporeally, from the dead. Neat trick huh?

Also great for getting some perspective on your fear…at least for me.

God also doesn’t want us to waste our one and only mortal life on selfish, materialistic, corporeal pursuits it seems. A most reasonable position, especially in light of the horrific consequences of a world of Have-Not’s.

The world of humanity, as it continues to grind forward unjustly and stand…

Our world.

Now, you can in fact sell all your possessions…if that is your call. What I think this idea means is to not keep or desire more than you actually need. Needs are different, as are the people who have them. It is between you, yourself and God to decide what you really need and what you don’t. But in a culture of affluent, morbidly over-abundant consumption, we are compelled to take stock of what is too much and what is truly necessary, as far as our ‘needs’ in this world are concerned.

Cos’ you can’t take it with you folks…them’s the rules.

Thus, consider the next world…

Or, as I like to call it…Home.

“What we do in life echoes in eternity” – Aurelius Maximus, “Gladiator”

I call the afterlife ‘home’ because it is where we will spend most of our time, in total. We came from there, and we shall return after our corporeal time on Earth is finished.

Don’t you want to fill your home with nice things? Things of deep sentimental value that bring you joy and comfort and contentment, things that you can be proud of, things that cause no regret? Memories of fruitful, successful, beneficial relationships with friends, family and your fellow man?

Things you treasure?

As far as I understand the metaphysics of it, when we reach the green fields, all of our decisions and actions are there, waiting for us, pending review and consideration from God and ourselves. If your life is filled with the shallow pursuits of materialism, physical pleasure and self-serving agendas, your soul comes up wanting and fills with regret. Regret that you will have to bear for the rest of eternity, like Marley’s chains ‘round your ankles.

And forever is a long fucking time…

Where does your heart lie? What is your treasure? Be mindful of these… you will not escape death, as our homecomings are already written.

-- The old father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed, fear profits man nothing. -- -- a Viking named ‘Joy’, from the movie “The 13th Warrior”

-- You also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour." –

Luke 12:40

Are you ready?

-peace

Mission and Admission

2007-08-09T11:44:00.000-07:00

Some friends just returned from a mission trip to Africa, Kenya, to be exact. They went with

Heart of Africa

A non –profit organization that, like many serving the poor there, seeks to better the lives of the people on the ground by addressing their myriad needs. They do good stuff; helping folks plant gardens, helping women establish self-sustaining income through various ‘cottage industries’, feeding programs, health care support, etc, etc… My friends are artists, so they contributed art to the orphanages/orphans, he painted (live in the village square) a massive piece showcasing the beautiful faces of the children and they both helped direct the mural painting inside a one-room school-house… as well as participating in a cattle drive and various other service tasks the group facilitates.

Here’s an amazing short film they shot and posted on YouTube –

Kenya

I’ll admit it…I’ve never gone on a mission trip.

But I am on one everyday.

Urban, domestic mission is hard to describe, urban, domestic evangelism even harder. Doing it well, doing it RIGHT is harder still.

I often wish my call had been to the poor of the 2/3rd’s world…the stark realities of how and what they need are so clean and direct, so easy (at least conceptually) to pin down and deliver…I have to talk myself out of running away to Mexico, South America or Africa (in that exact order) and joining some humanitarian group and never, ever coming back almost every single day. I know, without doubt, that I could happily do this, never seeing my family or friends again, in favor of serving the poor.

Unfortunately for me it would be a cop-out… no matter how much good I could do.

*Sigh………

And here is the real admission…I don’t want to be alone while I do it. Not foreign mission, not urban/domestic mission, not day-to-day life…. I want a help-meet…

-- And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him.
-- Genesis 2:18

-- Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
-- Genesis 2:24

I want a husband. The real deal.

There, I said it…so what?

That is the facet I envy my friends for, a realization I came to while watching their wonderful film. As husband and wife they went on their mission, sharing the adventure, sadness and overwhelming experience of seeing that level of suffering up close and personal. Sharing the joy of meeting people halfway around the world, and finding they’re fundamentally the same as the people next door back home.

Sharing a life.

-- A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
--Dave Meurer, author.

Don’t worry. I’m not having a panicked, mid-life moment of bio-clock, breeder angst here. Just admitting to a deep seated, spiritual realization…

At this juncture, however, I have serious doubts about anyone signing up for the program.

See, I have this religious vocation: Christian in construct. The fact that I was drafted; ‘pressed’ if you will, into it makes not one bit of difference. I’m simply stuck with it…and therefore must follow the rules.

And I don’t make the rules.

-- Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. Each husband should give his wife due benevolence: likewise each wife should give due benevolence to her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife… I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. But God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness.
-- 1 Corinthians 7:1-4, 6-7.

For a religious, the aforementioned passage (and the rest of 1 Corinthians 7, take your time with it, it’s a pretty thick read) is pretty cut-and-dry: one is celibate unless one is married.

A commitment is a choice one continues to make again and again, day after day, moment by moment. A religious vocation is just that: a commitment. Often one that comes with a specific set of promises/pledges that one knowingly vows to uphold. If one means to honor such vows, one cannot pick and choose which tenants one will or will not follow, especially based on one’s comfort level, pleasure or personal agenda.

This seems to be the rule for any commitment; marriage, family, friendships, religious…take your pick.

I believe this is why they call it a sacrifice…and it is.

What all this means is I am fairly far outside the loop in the romance department. Considering our culture’s generally accepted attitude about sex and relationships, that you’re not really having one unless you’re sleeping together, combined with the fact I’m not a 22-25 year old breeder, and I fear I am looking down a long and lonely road…

For me, the prospect is a sad one… as I am one of those people who’s a better version of themselves when they are joined with someone, in other words, when they are in love. As this is, and has always been the case with me, I pray this isn’t the sacrifice I am being asked to make.

Time will tell…meanwhile I wait. Hopeful, as always, but not holding my breath…

Wouldn’t want to suffocate.

Besides, I got too much work to do…and the Boss is pretty serious about deadlines.

-peace

A Song from the Soapbox

2007-08-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

-- Sing to the LORD a new song, *
for he has done marvelous things --

Psalm 98:1

August 8th is the feast of St. Dominic, the founder of the Dominican Order or the Friars Preachers.

-- O God of the prophets, you opened the eyes of your servant Dominic to perceive a famine of hearing the word of the Lord, and moved him, and those he drew about him, to satisfy that hunger with sound preaching and fervent devotion: Make your church, dear Lord, in this and every age, attentive to the hungers of the world, and quick to respond in love to those who are perishing; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen -- Collect for the Feast of St. Dominic --

-- "It is not by the display of power and pomp, cavalcades of retainers, and richly-houseled palfreys, or by gorgeous apparel, that the heretics win proselytes; it is by zealous preaching, by apostolic humility, by austerity, by seeming, it is true, but by seeming holiness. Zeal must be met by zeal, humility by humility, false sanctity by real sanctity, preaching falsehood by preaching truth." St. Dominic, 1208 --

Now, while I really don't want the hair shirt, iron chain round my loins, sack cloth for clothes and walking barefoot in winter part…what I do deeply desire is Dominic's courage to speak the Word with fearless fervor and truth. Not offensive fervor, but fearlessly and with compassion.

I do wonder though, if St. Dominic was in our when, would he be Pauline in his evangelism, or would he be a tract pusher?

"Have you been saved?"

Can I get an "Amen"?

Our new church intern is dealing with these conflicting ideas of evangelism as she heads off to Rwanda on mission this week. See, she thought she was going to Witness, i.e., sit down with women with AIDS and their children, talk to street orphans and high risk youth and hear their stories to learn what they THINK, how they FEEL and what they really NEED; in other words, actually find ways to help them by listening to them talk about their lives. This method is the only real way to know them and thus understand them. Understanding leads to compassion, compassion leads to Love.

And baby, Love conquers all.

Last week, conveniently after the pull-out/refund date, she was informed that the mission had nothing to do with Witnessing like this at all…they were instead going to hand out tracts on the street corners; in a country full of Christians…brilliant. Needless to say, she's pretty pissed off

-- "Maybe the Rwandans can use the tracts for toilet paper…at least then they'd be useful." -- The Intern.

Morons.

When will these idiot Christians get it through their thick, stubborn, self-centered skulls that it's shit like this that gives all Christians a bad name? When will they actually THINK while they're reading that Bible, instead of using obnoxious little memorizations from it to browbeat and belittle people that aren't just like them?

When will they actually FOLLOW the teachings of The Savior, His love and compassion for all people, instead of abusing innocent people in His name?

Read the words, fuckheads, and don't repeat them until you understand what they really mean!

And don't call yourselves Christians, cos' I am one, and it pisses me off.

-- The scripture says, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved."

But how are they to call on one in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in one of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone to proclaim him? And how are they to proclaim him unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" But not all have obeyed the good news; for Isaiah says, "Lord, who has believed our message?" So faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the word of Christ. --

Romans 10:13-17

I believe that the Pauline model is best. In fact, I believe it is the only true and honorable way to evangelize…to anyone, whether they be misguided Christian or Secular. Paul's mission to the Gentiles was so incredibly effective because he didn't shove Jesus down people's throats. Rather, said to be a tanner of leather, Paul went into the cities, setting up shop in the Agoras (the 1st century Roman equivalent of the street-level store fronts at the bottom of condo towers and/or apartment buildings). He worked alongside the pagans, getting to know them as people, listening to their stories, and when asked, telling his own through the lens of the Gospel. Then, when their curiosity was compassionately piqued, he would invite them to come listen to him preach at the local synagogue on the Sabbath. In other words, he encountered them as equals, on common ground, sharing stories with them and listening. Then, when asked why his life looked the way it did, Paul gave the credit to God, witnessing to the transformative and redemptive power of Christ's death and resurrection on behalf of us all.

Translated to our when it looks something like this:

You are at a bar, and strike up a conversation with someone you don't know. If you are an attentive and compassionate listener, most often the person you are conversing with will eventually share what they are currently struggling with. Often the struggle spoken to is spiritual in nature. If you are strong in your faith, the Spirit will provide an opening where-by you will have a chance to witness to your Christianity, and if you are open enough, the Spirit will provide you with the words they need to hear. When this happens, their face will light up as they receive the word…and it is very, very good. So good you can feel it, like a warm glow around your heart. If you don't muff it, i.e. push too hard, the reverberation created by that moment of shared grace can bring them home. You may never know, you may never see them again, or they might take you up on your invitation to come to church on Sunday…all that matters is not hurting them and letting the Lord use you, and use you well.

Or maybe this is just what happens to me…and it happens everywhere I go, in every social setting I find myself.

But I don't believe that for a second…and neither do you, if you're being honest.

-- Then Jesus answered the Jews, "My teaching is not mine but his who sent me. Anyone who resolves to do the will of God will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own. Those who speak on their own seek their own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and there is nothing false in him." --

John 7:16-18*

Discern the will of God from your own selfishness, treat others as you would be treated, understand the teachings of Jesus yourself before trying to teach them to others…. and save the tracts for the toilet.

Don't forget to flush.

-peace

*all readings are from those assigned for Dominic's feast day per the BCP

straight shot...

2007-08-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

"But WL's ('White Liberals') think all the worlds problems can be fixed without any cost to themselves. We don't believe that. There's a lot to be said for sacrifice, remorse, even pity.

It's what separates us from roaches"

- Dr. Paul Farmer*

It doesn't get much straighter than that...

-peace

Tshig (Word)

2007-08-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday, July 29, 2007

-- Compassion is not religious business, it is human business, it is not luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability, it is essential for human survival.

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultivation of altruism, of love and compassion, and elimination of ignorance, selfishness, and greed.

I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.

I am a simple Buddhist monk.

Human beings are of such nature that they should have not only material facilities but spiritual sustenance as well. Without spiritual sustenance, it is difficult to get and maintain peace of mind.

From the viewpoint of absolute truth, what we feel and experience in our ordinary daily life is all delusion. Of all the various delusions, the sense of discrimination between oneself and others is the worst form, as it creates nothing but unpleasantness for both sides. If we can realize and meditate on ultimate truth, it will cleanse our impurities of mind and thus eradicate the sense of discrimination. This will help to create true love for one another. The search for ultimate truth is, therefore, vitally important.

I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.

Each of us in our own way can try to spread compassion into people's hearts. Western civilizations these days place great importance on filling the human "brain" with knowledge, but no one seems to care about filling the human "heart" with compassion. This is what the real role of religion is.

I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…

Be kind whenever possible…It is always possible.

Basically we are all the same human beings with the same potential to be a good human being or a bad human being ... The important thing is to realize the positive side and try to increase that; realize the negative side and try to reduce. That's the way.

As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery…we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger and attachment, fear and suspicion, while love, compassion, and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.

All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness ... the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.

As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.
A new way of thinking has become the necessary condition for responsible living and acting. If we maintain obsolete values and beliefs, a fragmented consciousness and self-centered spirit, we will continue to hold onto outdated goals and behaviors. Such an attitude by a large number of people would block the entire transition to an interdependent yet peaceful and cooperative global society.

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.

For those who may not find happiness to exercise religious faith, it's okay to remain a radical atheist, it's absolutely an individual right, but the important thing is with a compassionate heart -- then no problem.

In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. –

His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet

Thank God for the Buddhists…

-peace

Ask, Pray, Receive

2007-08-08T12:45:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 7/29/07

-- "So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." – Jesus

I struggle with doubt.

Not mine. I don't suffer from crises of faith…ever. It is a great and terrible benefit people like me receive with our conversions. Have a 'Paul on the road to Damascus' style biblical vision, see the face of Christ himself, blah, blah, blah…and never again have to worry that God is who He says He is.

A nice, clean, one-to-one relationship with the Lord.

It is the crippling doubt of my brothers and sisters that I struggle with…and how best to help them. Apparently, this action is a large part of my function for being, as visions come with job descriptions. You know, of the "This mission, should you accept it…" kind. Neat huh?

It's kinda like getting drafted…or shanghaied.

Thus, to work…

Today's scheduled BCP lectionary readings point to two fundamental actions guaranteed to aid in alleviating one's doubt:

Prayer and Thanksgiving.

-- Jesus was praying in a certain place, and after he had finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples." He said to them, "When you pray, say:

Father, hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins,
for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us.
And do not bring us to the time of trial."

And he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, `Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him.' And he answers from within, `Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.' I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs.

"So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" --

Luke 11:1-13

I am consistently amazed at how often I'm met with a blank look and a "No" when I ask a believer if they're praying regularly, for/on anything.

How does anyone expect this to work? How do you ask for what you need or for help, if you don't pray? I can't imagine not praying.

In fact, I pray almost constantly…like Steven, the 'king' of Ireland in the movie "Braveheart".

While I'm not Irish, I most often share his dilemma…

Seriously, forget about prayer cycles and monastic offices of the day; dismiss the idea of set times and set forms…while all this is noble, none of it is necessary. A simple 'Our Father…' or the Jesus Prayer (Jesus Christ, Lamb of God, have mercy on me a poor sinner…) or a single 'Loving God…' are more than sufficient to open up sacred space in your head and heart to just…pray.

"Ask and it will be given you…" this is no bullshit, as everything I ask God for I receive…as long as it's something I need, and thus am supposed to have.

Pray, no really, just pray. Ask God for help, talk to Him about what's troubling you, what you can't handle alone…what you can't talk about to anyone else. Tell Him what you are excited about, what you hope for, who you love. Speak what your dreams are for you life, for your future and who you hope to share them with and ask Him to help you discern if these dreams are in fact what He means for your journey here on Earth. He doesn't tire of your prayers and requests…and He feels only sorrow when you don't grab the hand He perpetually holds out to assist you.

Grab tight and hold on… He always will.

-- As you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.

See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the universe, and not according to Christ. For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have come to fullness in him, who is the head of every ruler and authority. In him also you were circumcised with a spiritual circumcision, by putting off the body of the flesh in the circumcision of Christ; when you were buried with him in baptism, you were also raised with him through faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead. And when you were dead in trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive together with him, when he forgave us all our trespasses, erasing the record that stood against us with its legal demands. He set this aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and made a public example of them, triumphing over them in it. –

Colossians 2:6-15

I mean…what DON'T we have to be thankful for?

Affluence in life means no more than you get to choose the clothes you wear by the way they look, or the food you eat by the way it tastes. Clean water is as close as a kitchen tap, raw sewage whisked safely away with a flush. Medical attention, pharmacies, law enforcement, firefighters…all a simple cell call away.

That's a lot to be thankful for…just in case your very life and existence aren't enough of a gift to feel gratitude towards God.

Even when I am at my worst: when my depression takes me into WWI winter trenches at midnight, I still remember the meaning of the word 'gratitude'. While explosions rip the eardrums, darkness and heart; as the freezing, flesh eating mud consumes my feet…I stand thankful for the dawn I know will still come…even if I don't live to see it. And I am grateful to God for all those that will.

Loving God, thanks for this day, for all the days that have come before and all the days yet to come. Thank you for all that is, all that was and all that shall ever be. In Jesus' name, amen.

Remember to be thankful, remember to pray, remember… God never abandons and God never forgets.

-peace

Word

2007-08-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

Sunday, July 22, 2007

-- There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. --

Ecclesiastes 1:1-14

Let the new season begin...

-peace

Trading Martha for Mary

2007-08-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

Sunday, July 22, 2007

BCP lectionary reading for July 22, 2007…

I would laugh…if the truth of it, as applies to me today, weren't breaking my heart.

-- As Jesus and his disciples went on their way, Jesus entered a village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her." --

Luke 10:38-42

In my ministry and life I have been Martha for a long, long time.

I too have allowed myself to become distracted by my many tasks…tasks that gain me nothing as the fruit of all this heartache and labor can, and most likely will, be taken from me.

Come autumn, my ministry may fall with the leaves…

I have no power or authority. Which is best, because I would most likely drop the ball making bad, self-centered choices, as I am no better or smarter than those clergy, elders and peers around me who continue to do just that. They have the best of intentions…I wish that were enough.

Free will baby, free will…it's tricky, cos' there is always a right choice, and many, many wrong ones.

So…I must trade Martha for Mary.

-- "…there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her." –

I too, must choose the better part; it is time to pick my battles…

Cos' I am sick to death of losing the things that I care about.

The things that I love.

Guess I better make sure to care about the right things…and love well.

With God's help…

-peace

Go and Do Likewise

2007-08-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

Sunday, July 15, 2007

As usual, the lectionary reading for today is right on target for this particular moment in my life; speaking to the specific set of events happening today, in real time.

I am not being a very good neighbor…

Even worse, I am not being a very good neighbor towards someone I claim to love…like family, like my own blood.

This is not acceptable…it is in fact wrong.

It is hard to be a good neighbor when one is feeling disrespected, hurt and angry. However, I'm pretty sure that it is at precisely these moments, when we are feeling these things, that the lesson of the good neighbor is particularly important to apply.

-- Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he said, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, "What is written in the law? What do you read there?" He answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." And he said to him, "You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live." But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" Jesus replied, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while traveling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, 'Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.' Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?"

He said, "The one who showed him mercy." Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise." --

Luke 10:25-37

Sometimes things don't turn out the way we plan, no matter how good our intentions.

Sometimes people disrespect you when they don't mean to, and someone gets hurt.

When people get hurt they get angry, and anger is evil, as it always seeks to hurt back.

Roll with the punches, and take life as it comes, as we are all only responsible for our own choices. Choose wisely…

Disrespect can be amended, if your heart's in the right place. Wounds, with care, do heal…

Don't let your hurt turn to anger, take it in. Give what you can't bear to God. That's what He's there for…

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself."

Today I choose to be the good neighbor…and I will…

With God's help.

-peace

Word

2007-08-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I love the Book of Common Prayer. A fine trait in an Anglican/Episcopalian.

What I really love, even more than the intensely beautiful use of the English language, is the lectionary*...and the positively eerie way God has synched me up to it.

*for those that don't know: the BCP lectionary is the schedule of Scripture readings we go through in three year cycles so as to read aloud in church almost all of the New Testament, tons of the Old and all of the Psalms. We usually sing the psalms at St. Mark's.

What do I mean by synched up? It means that the readings that just happen to be in the schedule for that particular day ALWAYS speak directly to whatever I am dealing with in my spiritual/personal life and ministry. Always.

It's fucking creepy...of God or not. But I love it.

Here is the reading from Sunday, 7/8/07...

- My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. For if those who are nothing think they are something, they deceive themselves. All must test their own work; then that work, rather than their neighbor's work, will become a cause for pride. For all must carry their own loads. Those who are taught the word must share in all good things with their teacher. Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow. If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh; but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up. So then, whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all, and especially for those of the family of faith. May I never boast of anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. For neither circumcision nor uncircumcision is anything; but a new creation is everything! As for those who will follow this rule—peace be upon them, and mercy, and upon the Israel of God. From now on, let no one make trouble for me; for I carry the marks of Jesus branded on my body. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers and sisters. Amen. -

Galatians 6:1-10, 14-18

"So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up."

Man...it doesn't get much better than that. God bless you St. Paul.

-peace

Word

2007-08-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

Thursday, July 05, 2007

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love"

Romans 5:3-5

I live in a state of absolute belief and clear understanding of God, Christ, Salvation, the Word and the Way. It is a gift, given to me whole by Christ himself when I received the vision that saved me.

I have seen His face...remembering it, and the love in His beautiful dark eyes, is the only thing that keeps me going these days.

I am pretty blessed.

-peace

Catching Up

2007-08-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

So, long time no post huh?

I have been busy on MySpace, putting all of my stuff there, not just the live journal I started with.

It's because people are reading it, and the 'mission' field is fertile out there in MySpace land. Many of the lost sheep, the hurt and/or damaged by organized relgion folks are talking on it. I hope I can say any small thing to help.

If I do, however, it will come from God through my mouth. He's a lot smarter than me you see.

What follows are a series of posts, religious in nature that are from my MySpace.

Enjoy.

-peace

A Wisdom Mosaic – Jesus, Buddha and Joseph Campbell

2007-08-08T12:24:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Sharing wisdom, hoping it helps…

It is not what goes into a man from outside that can make him unclean. It's what comes out of him that makes him unclean.
-Jesus

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
-Joseph Campbell

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
-Gautama Buddha

If a blind person is leading a blind person, both will end up in a ditch.
-Jesus

The Four Reliances -
First, rely on the spirit and meaning of the teachings, not on the words;
Second, rely on the teachings, not on the personality of the teacher;
Third, rely on real wisdom, not superficial interpretation;
And fourth, rely on the essence of your pure Wisdom Mind, not on judgmental perceptions.
-Gautama Buddha

Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.
-Joseph Campbell

On life's journey Faith is nourishment,
Virtuous deeds are a shelter,
Wisdom is the light by day and Right mindfulness is the protection by night.
If a man lives a pure life nothing can destroy him;
If he has conquered greed nothing can limit his freedom.
-Gautama Buddha

When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.
-Joseph Campbell

Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
-Jesus

My advice? Find what makes you happy and put all your efforts into ultimately doing only that. Be righteous, decent and compassionate in your choices, honor commitment, love your life and understand that God loves us absolutely and did not put us here to suffer. Be present, be patient, love everything.

"Follow your bliss"
-Joseph Campbell

-peace

This Is Who I Really Am

2007-06-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

Let us begin, as an honest Christian should, with a little Scripture…

Galatians 1:11-24
I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel that was proclaimed by me is not of human origin; for I did not receive it from a human source, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ. You have heard, no doubt, of my earlier life in Judaism. I was violently persecuting the church of God and was trying to destroy it. I advanced in Judaism beyond many among my people of the same age, for I was far more zealous for the traditions of my ancestors. But when God, who had set me apart before I was born and called me through God's grace, was pleased to reveal God's Son to me, so that I might proclaim him among the Gentiles, I did not confer with any human being, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were already apostles before me, but I went away at once into
Arabia, and afterwards I returned to Damascus. Then after three years I did go up to Jerusalem to visit Cephas and stayed with him fifteen days; but I did not see any other apostle except James the Lord's brother. In what I am writing to you, before God, I do not lie! Then I went into the regions of Syria and Cilicia, and I was still unknown by sight to the churches of Judea that are in Christ; they only heard it said, "The one who formerly was persecuting us is now proclaiming the faith he once tried to destroy." And they glorified God because of me.

And as it relates to me…

-- I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel that I proclaim is not of human origin; for I did not receive it from a human source, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation (vision) of Jesus Christ. You have heard, no doubt, of my earlier life of hedonism. I was actively hateful of the church of God and hoped always for it's destruction. I advanced in the Old Ways beyond many of my peers, for I was far more zealous for the traditions of my ancestors. But when God, who had set me apart before I was born and called me through God's grace, was pleased to reveal God's Son to me, so that I might proclaim him amongst my peers, I did not confer with any human being, nor did I seek out the Church or those who had come to the Way before me, but I went at once into seclusion, then afterwards I returned to college and received education. Then after three years I did go to the Church, was Baptized and Confirmed into the denomination Episcopal, and blessed with many elders in the Faith. In what I am writing to you, before God, I do not lie! Then I went out into the world, seeking to know the other churches/denominations of the Faith, though I was unknown to them and knew them little. Though once they came to know me and from whence I'd come, I often hear it said, "Here is one who hated us who is now proclaiming the faith she once reviled and despised." Thus, God glorifies His grace and salvation through me. --

I have grown weary of others telling me who I am supposed to be, and what I do or do not know.

I can make my own mistakes, repent of my failures and seek forgiveness for my transgressions.

It has grown late in the day…and this is who I really am.

more to come…

what I say is what I mean

2007-03-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

I know it's hard for folks to wrap their little pointy heads around this, but it's true...I actually say what I mean.

I know, I know, but don't be afraid. Freaks are gentle creatures, we won't hurt you. We are just like you in many other ways and simply seek a little compassion and acceptance. *sigh..... Like THAT'S gonna happen, NOT!!!! Ahhh, so cynical...

While I may be a side-show monstrosity, built without the ability to lie, cheat, manipulate others or stay angry, I am far from stupid. I see the world, and the people in it for what they are, and while I love them, the way folks choose to behave most often makes me want to barf on my shoes....BLEECH!!!

I realize that when most people talk, about, well, anything, that there is some fucked up hidden agenda in there, most often relating to what they want you to do for them. I understand that our culture is all about the take; take charge, take all you can get, take what is yours, take, take, take.....but I'm not about that, cos' it sucks. Hard.

I'm about the give.

See, I'm a Franciscan, an aspirant (one who aspires to be) to the --

Third Order of St. Francis

-- and no one gave like ol' St. Frank. He would give you everything he had, including the clothes off his back or the only bit of food he had for the entire day if you asked for it. There was no assessment of need, no determinations about what your real/hidden agenda was, he just gave and gave and gave. Why? Because that is what Jesus Christ said to do and Francis had signed on for the 'full meal deal'.

Before his conversion, however, Francis was a bit of a hedonist. He was the son of a wealthy cloth merchant, with a wicked dress sense and a predilection for the fast life. Conversely, at the same time he practiced chivalry and was in constant pursuit of the knighthood. Thus, he was a party animal with a conscious; as was I. In 1205 he was called to rebuild God's Church by following the Way (of Jesus, duh!) to the letter. In 1997 God called on me to do the same.

Obviously, St. Francis was much better at it than I'm ever going to be.

But I believe absolutely that God's Church can be rebuilt, and that the rebuilding must, HAS to start from within. So I got in...it was pretty easy actually, as I have been a professional servant my entire 'adult' life. Also, I am graced with an over-abundance of faith, seriously, my cup runneth over, and over, and over...could you bring your cup over here? Thanks, no you keep it, I got Plenty...

There are some serious ass rules on the 'inside'.

-- note: If you are baptized, you are already 'in', you just haven't allowed yourself to accept it. Just jump. It's really okay, I promise...God will catch you I swear. --

Some of the serious ass rules include; not lying, not cheating, not coveting thy neighbor's fine ass...nice... ahem. You have to try to love everyone equally and care about them like you care for yourself, no favorites. Period. Love All Over God, cause He Loves the Shit out of You! A visit to --

1 Corinthians 7

-- in it's entirety will clue you in to the rules about why "dating=casual sex" (don't even go there, cos' y'all know I'm right...) is pretty much off the table. And you are required to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN...I really can't stress this enough.

Say what you fucking mean, or don't fucking say anything at all. Ever.

Just so we're clear.

I say what I mean. If I say 'fuck off' I really mean you should, tho' this really doesn't happen all That much. If I say you are amazing, it's because you are, all on your own and I celebrate it. If I say you're acting like an ass, I really do think it. Oftimes I am sadly correct. If I say I would like to get to know you, it's because I honestly want to, human to human, exactly for who you really are. I try hard not to be rash in my speech; I fall down sometimes, like people do, but I own it. I try to pay attention to what others say, and offer small kindnesses and comforts where I can free of charge. I follow the maxim, "If you never lie, you never have to remember what you say", absolutely. If I can't say what I mean, and also back it up, I just don't say anything at all. It's just so much easier that way, trust me, give it a shot...

So, for all you fine folks out there, in both my physical and cyber-net lives...Say what you mean, I do. Never doubt it. God approves.

-peace

Lenten de-clawing and last straws

2007-02-23T08:35:00.000-08:00

for Christians around the globe it is the season of Lent. for those that don't know, it is the 46 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter and it is tough. we meditate on what we've done wrong, where we've fucked up, who we have hurt...and try to find ways to make up for it, repent of our sins towards God and others, and thus ourselves in other words. fun huh?

it's not supposed to even come close.

so, this year I made an appointment with the veterinarian and got de-clawed.

see, I had a 'last straw' moment, -- maybe you noticed that in my last post -- which predictably hurt someone, someone who didn't deserve it. someone who's laboring under a boat-load of hurt already. thus off to the vet.

'last straw' moments are like that, that's why they call them 'last' I suppose. some unsuspecting person touches a nerve that's raw and bleeding and off we go. we unload a crap-load of shit onto the poor person who was last in line, and most often quite oblivious of, the gangrenous wound festering in our heart, and we go off... and off, and off. combined with the already formidable volatility of Gen-X angst, a sharp intellect and wicked tongue, my 'last straw' moments tend to be incendiary. it does feels good for a mo', venting your frustrations, 'getting things off your chest' if you will, but inevitably it is always the exact wrong thing to do. always.

at least for me.

why?

because I am about as far from a mean-hearted person as the night is from day -- I am the night by the way, the soft, short summer kind, full of starlight and hope -- I can't stand meanness, it makes me ill, makes me burst into tears, makes me pray for the Flood once again, anything, just so it stops. it's awful and I am quite sure it is killing my heart.

I seem to be missing some internal filters that a lot of my contemporaries are born with; I can't lie, I can't cheat, I can't manipulate situations, or people, into what I want them to be or into doing what I want. I can't stand whistling silences, non-responsiveness and disregard. I hate apathy. I can't take it when people care more about themselves than anyone/anything else. I can't not care when I see/feel someone's pain, and I feel EVERYTHING, as I am a grossly talented (or cursed) natural empath. I can't not love that which is beautiful and real. I can't stand hurting others, as hurting others makes me bleed on the inside. I don't care about winning.

I care about love.

thus, I ask forgiveness for my weakness, my anger, my sin. I ask for your compassion as I am so tired, so tired... from caring when so few around me do, as I don't know how to do anything else. I ask for an answering hand to the ones I extend in honest friendship, as it might make my heart live, or at least compel it to want to again...won't someone please throw me a rope?

"Jesus Christ, Lamb of God, have mercy upon me, a poor sinner..." and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and....

I am listening to one of the most beautiful songs ever sung. As thankful tears course down my cheeks, I'll share the chorus with you...

"But I love everyone, I love you all. Some sing with irony, but I couldn't be more sincere when I say to you, I love you all." -- Isaac Marion, "Final Thoughts (While Falling)" from 'Look Down' by The Tallest Building in the World... take a listen, I am...

expanding on digression

2007-02-15T08:19:00.000-08:00

now... I know people have a knee jerk, negative reaction when they hear this but it must be said; I love my church.

Not the building. The denomination.

I am a sucker for tradition. A good solid trait for a historian. I LOVE the pomp and circumstance. I love the old, recited prayers and offices that have remained virtually unchanged from generation to generation, creating this animate, endless, timeless chain of living prayer and praise to God. It is like a river through space and time, always flowing, never ceasing, through which we can step into and out of sacred space. It rocks.

The Episcopal Church is part of the Anglican Communion -- at least at the moment; please pray, cross your fingers or wish us luck in your own way here, in hopes that we don't cause the next big church schism, thanks -- which originated post Reformation as the Church of England. The Episcopalian Church of America, whose name is actually the DFMS - Domestic and Foreign Missionary Society of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States of America -- whew--, is the post War of Independence daughter of the C. of E. We all worship from the Book of Common Prayer, the C. of E./Anglicans from one, older version and some regional versions and the Episcopals from the 1979 U.S. version. Pretty much though it's like this...you can walk into any Anglican Church anywhere in the world and the service is going to be familiar. There will be local color, cultural flavoring, but the liturgy and lectionary will roll the same way. It's like being home wherever you are, in that sacred space...it is beautiful.

Please, leave your spiritual baggage at the door...don't worry, it will be quite safe there, and you can pick it back up on your way out if you choose.

THE EPISCOPAL CHURCH WELCOMES YOU.

We take this inclusivity stuff seriously. If memory serves, Jesus had a lot to say about "love one another as I have loved you...", "love thy neighbor as thyself...", but not too much about how to hate on each other over trifles. Yes, I said trifles.

Man or Woman? Trifle. Gay or Straight? Trifle. Dark or Light? Trifle. Young or Old? Trifle. Freak or Norm? Trifle. Greek or Jew? Trifle. Catholic or Protestant, Main-Line or Evangelical? The most ridiculous, destructive trifle of all...

All the same, all the same...

I didn't grow up with faith, any faith. An unfortunately dysfunctional family and childhood, in a home with no religion but the one where my mad mother was always right, meant faith wasn't in the cards. I had faith that I would eventually grow up and get the hell out of there...but that was pretty much it as a kid. -- Pay attention, here is the point of this story -- The first and only time I ever took communion as a child was in a pretty little Episcopal church in Reno NV, where my friend Jennifer Grant and her family worshiped. The parents of my childhood friends tended to figure my Mom out real quick, a mercy I didn't realize at the time, and sort-of found multiple excuses to take me places, thus getting me away from her. This was one of those times.

It was a beautiful church; deep grey stone, traditional tall A-frame with flourishes, little spires and a working bell tower. High stained glass windows, but bright inside not dark, with long wooden pews and a pretty, tasteful altar. The sun was shining, I think it was spring...not summer anyway, as it wasn't hot enough and I was blown away to actually be in a church.

It was my first time after all.

Things went on, we stood up, said some stuff, sat down, listened to some stuff, stood up some more...and then, the big moment...Communion. Wow, I was gonna get to do it! Like being a member, or at least a member's invited guest, at the most private of private clubs. Too cool. I walked up with all the people, really feeling part of something, everyone smiling at the little 9yr old stranger. I took the bread (well rice wafer anyway) from an impossibly tall, white robed priest, who also smiled, then got to sip the wine like all the grown-ups! Amazing!

Of course, this perfection couldn't last. See, I suffer from a life long affliction; everything I do for the first time, especially when I'm trying to make a good impression, inevitably goes wrong at some point. Period. This time was no exception, why would it be? Cos' I'm in the house of God? Hah!!! God has been yanking the rug out from under me for a long, long time...I think He might get off on it a little to tell you the truth...anyway...

I took my wafer and wine, smiled happily, and promptly turned around and walked back up the church's center aisle, like a salmon swimming upstream, not registering the shocked looks of disrupted, Anglo/Episcopalian propriety until I got back to the family pew and saw how embarrassed Jennifer's mother was. My feelings of belonging were, predictably, dashed. I won't even go into how hard a time the Sunday School teacher had fielding my most heartfelt pagan observations during that afternoon's class. Needless to say, they never asked me to church again...wow, this story still makes me sad for that poor little girl, she always tried so hard to be a good kid...(small tear break here)...*sigh.

That was my first communion however, and apparently it stuck, as I am solidly Episcopal now and wouldn't change allegiance for the world...well, unless I woke up with a different set of plumbing one morning, and would thus skip happily, whistling all the way, to the Society of Jesus after a hasty Roman Catholic conversion...damn I love those Jesuits! For now though, a Verger it is, and a Verger it will remain if God has His drothers...I far as I can tell he usually gets what he wants in the end. I'm glad He wanted me Episcopal...

The table is open...all are welcome.

p.s...what the hell is a Verger right?

Rock n' Roll is God's music

2007-02-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

I need Rock n' Roll music like oxygen.

My heart soars with joy when a song builds, layer upon electric layer, until it explodes inside my chest with white radiance...like a perfect death...it is sooo good when it's good. The only thing that feels like it for me is love... and God.

It is the perfect artistic vehicle of the heart's voice in ecstasy, it's cry of exultation and rebellion against the painful reality of this life. I love it.

I lost it for awhile, Rock n' Roll, back around the time God claimed me as His servant. It wasn't God that did it or anything. It was me and my sudden inability to stomach the corporate record machine's insatiable appetite for the souls of artists. There was a scene in a van at a rest stop somewhere in SoCal with the last band I toured with that clinched it. A terrible, endless moment when their record company president told them, under duress via cell phone, that their deal had just imploded, their support team had dissolved and they were on their own...and oh, by the way, could you pay back that half million dollar advance we slid ya' ? Thanks... 2 months later I walked out on the only career I had ever known as an adult and found I could no longer listen to rock music because it hurt so bad if I did I couldn't breath.

Thus I wandered the wasteland, adrift at heart and somehow not realizing that it was Rock n' Roll that was missing. But... I filled my time with school; a belated bachelor's degree that I had missed as a result of living in the twilight for too long, too young, and thus finally caught up with the rest of Western civilization educationally. I found my church/denominational comfort zone via my Comparative Religion Degree, more precisely due to a sight visit assignment for my Western Religions survey class. I'm Episcopalian; baptized, confirmed and committed to my church's theological and actual vision of radical egalitarianism and inclusivity...it's pretty fucking cool actually...but I digress...

end 1...see 2.

Believe

2007-02-04T07:42:00.000-08:00

I am a believer.

I do not experience doubt.

I am never angry at God.

I am a convert, the 'St. Paul on the road to Damascus' kind. Simply put, Christ came to me in a vision and told me in not so many words that I work for Him now. This happened nine years ago. I was baptized at Easter, 2004.

I hear how lucky I am to be a convert from battered, damaged, cradle Christians because I don't have the boatload of cargo that they have let entangle itself around their hearts that cuts them off from God. I wish they would understand that it is they themselves that have created that separation from Him. He is always right there, hand held out, waiting to bring you home. Always.

The perception that I am 'lucky' is in itself problematic, as it had nothing to do with 'luck'. It is God.

They (we'll call them the 'cradlers') have let human beings twist and contort what they knew in their hearts about the truth of God, have allowed the Institution, that great old cargo ship of Christian tradition, to supersede their faith. In other words, they let the 'church' replace God in their own hearts. And they wonder why they are starving to death.

They don't just wonder, they moan and cry and bellyache til' the very roof groans with the weight of it. This constant, endless litany of excuses and complaints about 'why it doesn't work for them', how 'God has let them down'...etc, etc, ad infinitum.

I hate to burst your pity-party bubble ladies and gentlemen, but God had nothing to do with your disappointment, you did that to yourselves.

There is but one way to reconnect with God, to re-open your asphyxiating hearts to Christ...you have to BELIEVE!!!!!

Believe.

Believe that Jesus was God in corporeal form. That He loved us so much He compressed some part of Himself down into a tiny speck like the rest of us so that He could understand what suffering was and thus how to answer it. He loved us so much that once He was human, he gave himself up as a blood sacrifice to end all blood sacrifice, the final lamb on the altar. He did this to show us that the one thing we are most afraid of, the thing that rules our lives and every decision we make: our mortality, didn't matter at all. We were afraid for no reason. We still are...but believe, and you never have to be afraid again.

Believe.

Is there anybody in there?

2006-08-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

So, where am I?

A really deep question...but not this time.

I am on summer vacation. My daughter is visiting, my heterosexual life-mate is on his yearly break from work, I have two congregations to juggle, Scripture to consider, Jesus to talk to, prayers to make etc, etc, etc...

I have not abandoned this blog, I am just on hiatus until Fall, my favorite, most profitable and productive time of year. It's all about the Harvest baby!

Things to consider: The Old Ways - by this I mean the spiritual traditions of the Celtic Culture.

And I do NOT mean St. Patrick!

The Celts were literally everywhere in the ancient world, from the lower steppes of Asia to the islands of Britain/Ireland, and all points in between. Check it out, there are few resources, but that is part of the fun. Consider, as you look at their ways, how their traditions have shaped Western Christendom as we know it today...Christmas/The Nativity is an excellent place to start, compared/contrasted with Sol Invectus and the Legend of Mithras. Just can't dismiss those darn Pagans so easily...damn.

So, until next time; keep your mind and heart turned to the Lord, our Savior Jesus Christ.
Keep your eyes on the prize; God's Eternal Life and going home to it with a clean heart/conscience.
Love your neighbors as yourself,
be grateful for EVERYTHING...
Amen

Prayer for Guidance

2006-05-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

FOR GUIDANCE
O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and light rises up in darkness for the godly; Grant us, in all our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what you would have us to do, that the Spirit of Wisdom may save us from all false choices, and that in your light we may see light, and in your straight path may not stumble; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Daily Office, BCP, www.dailyoffice.org)

Utterance; 2

2006-05-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

"Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness" James, 3:1.

Evangelist.

evangelist: noun 1) a person who seeks to convert others to the Christian faith, esp.
by public preaching.
2) a lay person engaged in Christian missionary work.

So, that is a pretty succinct explanation of what I mean when I say ‘evangelist’. Sometimes the dictionary is the best place to go for the quick and dirty version , a version folks these days often overlook in their relentless over analysis and re-assignment of meanings to terms/words. This predilection is the main reason such a precise explanation as the following is now necessary when unpacking the term ‘evangelist’.

Evangelist is from a Koine Greek word εὐάγγελος (“eu-angelos”) which means ‘bringer of good news’, from the Koine expression for ‘good news’, εὐάγγελιον (“eu-angelion”) which is used to refer to the Four Gospels of the New Testament (www.answers.com/topic/evangelism). Again, we have the down and dirty definition: an evangelist is someone who brings the good news, and in this specific case, the good news referred to is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The New Testament if you will…at least once there was a New Testament.

Evangelizing, the verbal communication of the stories that became the New Testament, was the main vehicle of Christian conversion for hundreds and hundreds of years, and is still the most effective method known to us today. There is good reason for this; it was Christ’s Great Commission “Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:16-20, NIV) Other versions of the Great Commission are found in Mark 16:14-18, Luke 24:44-49/Acts 1:4-8, and John 20:21” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Commission). Jesus, fully embracing the realities of corporeal, human existence, recognized that dialogue and conversation, augmented by example, were the fastest, most effective ways to transfer ideals, values and right action amongst His human creatures. Thus, he initiated the system of faith we still very much operate under today; which is simply talking/witnessing to folks in your everyday life about the Good News of Christ’s salvation, AND, living your life in a manner modeled on Christ’s love and compassion for all people.

I believe strongly in reclaiming the terms ‘evangelist’ and ‘evangelism’ from the terrible connotations with which they have become burdened in our current culture. Negative connotations we have allowed them to accrue, as the Protestant Mainline hems and haws and hesitates, instead of taking any firm action. (Firm action might suggest you’ve made some sort of commitment to a direction/value/ethic, an action the Mainline seems more and more uncomfortable making…about anything sadly enough). By firm action I mean standing up and letting our culture know that we Christians are NOT all the same as the Fundy Conservatives; by showing them a Christ-like mode of speaking and acting that holds up the positives that Christianity offers, as opposed to the biases Fundamentalism, and the secular world as well, continually focus on.

Tall order? So was walking docilely to the Cross.

Thus, I am a ‘modern evangelist’, a woman of the modern world in which I live, an evangelist by my baptism and Jesus’ commandments and commissions. It’s never easy…but then nothing worthwhile ever, ever is.

Father Brown's Cross. Juneau, Alaska

2006-05-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

Utterance; 1.

2006-05-23T13:14:00.000-07:00

So, now is as good a time as any to begin the ‘official’ blog.

Modern Evangelist…wow, how to unpack THAT designation? It’s a tough one.

Modern. Everyone these days is all about his or her ‘post-modernism’, but I’m not so sure we’ve achieved that evolution, especially in the immediate culture of which I’m a part. Nor am I sure we should be in such a hurry to do so.
Multiple factors play into this assessment, as is the case with anything.
A primary one to consider seems to do with our not knowing who we are or where we come from. Let’s unpack that.

Currently, we tend towards a drive to separate/distance ourselves from the multitude of horrors we have perpetuated against one another, utilizing the trappings of modern life. Hell, we’re still doing it…and we all know it. Thus the psychological push towards whatever (Western) civlizational state comes after that which is designated ‘modern’.
We yearn to actually be the things that we champion. We know war/conflict is not the answer, have known that for a long, long time; but still we war. Why? Because although we know war is not the way, we have not yet become creatures that know how NOT to war with one another when our differences become the hysterical focus of our contact and interactions. This becoming is an evolution of spirit, not achievable without a firm acceptance and admittance of one’s responsibility for one’s own actions every conscious moment. Knowing who you are is only possible when you own all that is of you; triumphs, failures, mistakes, misconceptions, successes, prejudices, achievements…the entirety of your individual self. Taking true responsibility is the only way to that deep ownership of self, and also the only way to redemption and reconciliation. We should not be so quick then, to categorize ourselves as ‘post’ anything, as we are still so obviously struggling with the modern construct from whence we come and still currently exist in.

As usual, I have an example from my own life of a problem that arises from this mindset. I recently was asked to become the verger of my Episcopal/Lutheran sponsored Emerging Church Mission. As I am new to the parish, I was humbled and honored at the level of trust and respect this accorded me, a virtual stranger, and I gratefully accepted the commission. One of the responsibilities I have been given is to find and coordinate volunteers to be greeters and communion servers. These liturgical ministries had traditionally been filled, often moments before the service itself, by a relentless repetition of endless requests, both face to face and via e-mail, week after week, service after service. So, of course, here I come, trying to impose schedules and heightened ministrial seriousness, not realizing that the main reason the situation was/is so chaotic is that the folks involved feel most comfortable inside that space of non-structure. Unfortunately, this ‘comfort’ stems from these individuals desperate desire to avoid anything that remotely resembles the construct of “Church” that was responsible for/or perceived as having hurt them. In other words, they are distancing themselves from the parts of their own lives/realities that have hurt them, but failing to reconcile themselves to the fact that these things are also a part of themselves, thereby often misunderstanding them altogether.

Spiritual defensiveness is extremely taxing on both one’s emotional and psychological energies and the deeper it goes, the more isolating it becomes. After enough time, this operational mode creates a rather aggressive selfishness of behavioral focus. One of my mentoring clergy recently said, in reference to my bumbling, but most sincere attempts to excite volunteers at my parish, “ For folk who are supposed to be "free-thinking" and "creative" I am disappointed to read a reply that is so narrow and judgmental. How interesting to find "free-thinkers" so caught in the old model of pecking order. My own experience is that when I see or hear the words "free-thinker" what that means is someone so enamored with their thoughts that they cannot imagine that other people have valid ideas too. But it's always strangely refreshing to know that human beings are still human beings no matter how enlightened and contemporary we may claim to be. We all still engage in the old selfishness that is at the heart of what the New Testament calls sin” (C. Robinson, 2006).

It is refreshing, that continuity of human behavior. It also speaks, however, to the true weight behind our collective human desires for community, understanding, acceptance and fair dealing. Thus, modernity becomes antiquity becomes contemporary. And I, as resident of the modern world, am thus a ‘modern’ Christian evangelist. Let the future deal with it’s ‘post-modernism’, I feel we have enough on our plates, dealing honestly with the modern realities of our Present.